Why am I awake at 2am writing my third entry in two days, you might ask?

Lets see, neighbors, alcohol, fighting, police, uh, yeah�that�s it. One thing I will say for this ghetto, is that since the murder happened a while back, the police don�t take 20 minutes to get over here anymore. They came in 3. Good to know.

I�ve added a short cast list I typed up rather quickly, and um, added the disclaimer, fixed my profile, and I already added the �about me� page last time I was here, and my guestbook works, notes, I think works, and email should make it to me, and um�I�ve added the 5 most recent entries thing to my diary page, at bottom, and wow, it�s starting to feel like home in here.

I guess I want to say something positive for tonight, and all I have is that Josh called me and I cried in his ear as we discussed what I�m feeling. He suggested I just let the pain come when it does, and to basically express it and go through it, rather than distract myself from it, or suppress it. And trust me, I continued to, right in Josh�s ear. But it was nice, really nice, to know he�s there. Even if there is 1500 miles and one border away.

His only thoughts are that any guy who passes up the opportunity to be with me needs help, and that I will heal, and not feel so crappy, in time. And that I really am a queen, and will meet someone in time�I just keep thinking, but he won�t be "him" and I wanted to be with "him" because I really do love "him." I still do, which is why it hurts this way. Anyway, we discussed a lot more, I guess it�s still rummaging around through the labyrinth of my cerebrum, as most of our talk doesn�t want to be given a voice yet.

Josh gave my new spider friend a name, she�s been bestowed the very regal title �Queen Lemon Drop the 4th, of the Psychadelic Universe� ha! What a name. It really wasn�t that far off from my �oh, wow!� thoughts at first seeing her. She�s very bright opaque yellow. It�s hard to cry after hearing a name like that, and well�my tears turned to laughter as we said our I love you�s and bid each other goodnight.

I guess now that my neighbors got threatened by the police to shut up or else, and an hour has passed, and they�ve finally (hopefully) shut up � though I can still hear mumbling, I should think of Queen Lemon Drop the 4th of the Psychadelic Universe, and she should join me in my castle on a cloud and try to get some sleep.

ZzZzZzZzZz

~e

PS: every single time I take a Les Miserables personality quiz, I end up being Cosette - she's the only one who has a truly happy ending in Les Mis...:-)