"Cold moons withdraw, refusing to come to terms
with the pilot who dares all heaven's harms
to raid the zone where fate begins,
flings silver gauntlet of his plane at space,
demanding satisfaction; no duel takes place:
the mute air merely thins and thins."

- Sylvia Plath

Pilot ex-boyfriends can really haunt you�

After writing three pages of strict facts, and then having the ridiculous dr. watson program freeze my computer in a failed attempt to detect an unreal virus, or do whatever that thing does, I lost my entry and have been left utterly exhausted. But, here re-goes�

I have so much inside of my head from not *really* writing in so long , as well as homework, that if I don't write my brain is going to explode.

On Monday we went apartment searching.

After we arrived, we sat in the office waiting area, which has many books, magazines, and a widescreen television with basic cable. I haven't seen a television, let alone watched one in so long (3 years) that it was almost disorienting to see Dr. Phil's actual mouth moving as he briskly yapped away. And I'm sure my eyes crossed as I watched the dark-blond ladies on CNN reporting facts of world news, both of which had the exact same shade of obviously died hair, in nearly the same style, with the exact same shade of highlights glistening in the overhead lights. Why do they always look so severely myopic?

We looked at some model apartments, and decided we wanted to live upstairs. The apartments are literally brand new, and very nice. The carpet is a dreadfully stainable greyish-white, but the apartment itself is decent. I can tell where they�ve skimped on features, as there isn't any bathroom fan, intercom, or a decent kitchen sink. It does however have an elevator in the corridor, and a ceiling fan in the livingroom. It's also within walking distance to the mall, three plazas, and dozens of restaurants, and stores.

I can't really remember much else of Monday, other than I think W called me. I cried because he was acting mad at me, and after calling to let me know he wasn't, we chatted a bit and he actually managed to cheer me up.

I want to write of the rest of my week in detail, though it's difficult because I have so much to do still. I'm pretty sure we'll be accepted. Having said that, we're already packing up my 1000+ books, and scaring the cat with all the activity. Yes, like a dork I'm moving across town and I'm doing this during my time this semester. So during midterm my apartment will be in boxes.

Tuesday, my fears having been cried out the night before, I managed to get to school. I was ten minutes early, and walked into the pre-algebra class that had just ended seemingly five minutes before. The pre-algebra teacher seems very nice, and very thorough and I'm thinking of him possibly being a future teacher. I sat down, nervously looked around the room, and saw that there were three others already in the class, all males, all looked very bored. I nervously sat in the chair in the first row, leaned into the desk, and tried to feel as invisible as possible as the classroom slowly filled.

Our CS teacher entered the room, a short, chubby, pre-elderly grey-haired woman. I had mixed feelings from the beginning. She's rather bubbly, terribly disorganized, speaks to us with the tone of a kindergarten teacher, and instead of teaching she chatters on about herself and her rather normal life, which she terribly exaggerates to make it sound interesting. That having been said, my CS teacher is a scattered mess, and makes the classroom feel like I should be preparing to taste another finger-full of minty elmer's glue and cut construction paper people�in other words, I feel like I'm in Kindergarten. I've found three blaring flaws in this required class already. And having a teacher who's idea of organization is a pile of loose leaf pages messily stuffed into a three ring binder, while she lightly scolds those who have no books, or no papers to take notes with, is terribly irritating. Other than those terrible flaws, she is rather likable.

The class itself is terribly ridiculous, maybe even bordering on pathetic. All of the things we've "learned" so far, you need to know in order to be in the class itself. In other words, we already know because we had to find the advisors, declare a degree, fill out the financial aid forms, meet deadlines, get books, school supplies and figure out and organize a schedule all on our own�in order to take this class. So anyway, she had us do this dorky 'write about your name thing,' and I never got to my last name, luckily, and I only told a partial story about my first name.

The facts of our papers had to be read aloud in class. She paired us into groups of 4 to 5. I cringed as the smartest guy in class asked the facts of my name, and then I cringed again as he later read it in class. He's terribly sarcastic, which I adore in his personality. He questions authority (ie our teacher), and does so with enough intelligence to back himself up in seemingly any given situation. He also has a tongue ring, which�we all know what that means�ahem. 0:-P

So yes, am I pathetically attracted to his brain � why deny it�

After the whole name thing was done, we had to determine birthday, the smartest guy in class was the oldest in our group at nearly 34 (in roughly two weeks).

Then we had to determine distance from school, and I won that one as I live about 8 miles from the college.

After that we did this stupid personal responsibility inventory. I ended up being responsible for the college's lack of degree choices�which later on the teacher even said that it wasn't my fault. So.

My feelings for the CS class are mixed, the qualities in the group of people far outweigh the qualities of those in my English class, which just seems to be a bunch of grown up valley girls.

My English teacher on the other hand is wonderful. Thorough, thoughtful, organized, intelligent, and wonderfully passionate about writing. The type of human you feel honored to simply be in the same room with. A person who makes you want to do what I'm feeling: the need to nearly kill myself to really do my best and self-correct in changing my many mistakes in the way I write.

She told us that we will have all opportunities to re-write our papers as much as necessary to try to get A's on them, at any time. That she won't hold late papers against you if there's a good reason, and that you can do everything in your abilities to get an A up until finals. She's so lenient in giving you time to do your work right, that a lot of stress was relieved.

On Wednesday while waiting over 1.5 hours for cab ride home, I got to watch a bird without flapping its wings once, soar on a current across the entire sky. I looked at my mom and said "THAT is why I want to be a bird in my next life."

On Thursday despite my dreadful exhaustion, a sense of renewed faith in myself, and in dealing with people, re-began. Since classes started, the one aforementioned person I like (a lot) seems to like me in return. I kind of got the hint when he sweetly said "bye" to me on Tuesday, and I grinned ear to ear and nodded in response. When he left the room on Thursday, I sat in the seats by the classrooms, and watched him walk down the hall as I kinda wished he'd stayed. Then, just as I wished, I watch him walk back down the lengthy hallway as he returned. A girl in our class giggled and asked him if he forgot something, and he responded "yes." What he "forgot" was to stay and talk to me. As he sat down in the chair before me, I felt wonderfully honored. Nervous, shy, in some serious like, giddy, half-asleep, and honored.

As it turns out, at eight years older than me but looking my age, he's fiercely intelligent, sarcastic, self-educated, well-read, well-traveled, and rather well, his other attributes aren't exactly diminishing his over all character any, let's put it that way�he's also extremely interesting, and he and I share the same mind-set, understanding of people and society, and are both very "different." We also share a mutal irritation for the class we're in. And yes, he has two cats which seals any 'guy' deal for me, as you know, even just amigo-wise. I could go on, but I'll refrain and close by saying that after talking for an hour I didn't want to go to English class, and I'll close this (ie stop bragging) by saying that he and I had one of those indescribable "connection" moments, where you suddenly stare at eachother, speechless, and realize that you "click" on an unusually high level, the room starts to feel different, and you struggle to return to reality cause it's rather embarrasing that the universe just busted you and then blabbed in a 'ha ha' way. Yeah, one of 'those' moments.

The only potentially sad part is that his life is up in the air, he's actively seeking a new path, and he told me that having just returned to SF NM, he might be leaving for the other SF at anytime. But he looked at me and gave more reasons as to why he shouldn't go, than should. And yes, don't think I didn't suddenly wonder 'why me?' again. But I guess we'll see, huh?

Anyway, I need to get back to my schoolwork, just another page to go�yay.