Today, W actually kept a promise. He helped me get a carload of stuff to the new apartment.
I called him, bright and cheery, at 9:37am. I told him that I've really missed doing this to him, as I giggled into the phone. And being all cute and grumpy he replied that he didn't, and asked me to call back at 10:30, which I did.
Out of my love for him, and respect for him, I put my things outside, so he wouldn't have to meet or see or talk to my mom. He later thanked me for that, and I know that he realized that I did it entirely out of respect for him. As bad as he's treated me, one thing I refuse to do is be mean back, or disrespect him. Kill 'em with kindness, I like to say. It's also because I like to give people opportunities to realize wrongs and to change, even at my expense.
As I saw him drive up to my building, I wasn't sure how either of us was going to fare, considering it's been over 3 months since we last saw each other. I'm not going to say that it was easy seeing him again. Both of us were dressed in the same clothes that we were wearing when we first met each other. Except that we both have new shoes.
The second I got into his car, the scent alone flooded my mind with all the memories I'll cherish till the day I die. Primarily making out under the stars, and 4 wheel driving. Seeing his "I'd rather be flying" bumper sticker made me smile. And I've missed listening to his dorky 70's folk/rock music, tremendously. Basically all of the reasons we were together in the first place, flooded to the surface every time we talked, laughed, or looked at each other. I guess the word is bittersweet.
Being that he delivers paint for one job, he knew where my building was. But he got sidetracked with the traffic, and drove past the driveway. So we turned around in a parking lot a block down, and drove past a tiny multi-unit shopping area, in which there is of all things a theatrical supply store. He saw it and smiled as he pointed it out to me.
I know�
At the new apartment, I showed him the hibernating bats, which we were both seemingly drawn to staring at. We took the first load of stuff up to the apartment, and the second I opened the door, a wave of cold air hit us. I opened my closet so he could put the things in it, and I told him how if it gets really cold, I'm going to go sleep in there. He laughed. We went back downstairs, to get the second load.
After getting the rest of my things, we took the elevator again. The new elevator got jammed and we were stuck in it for over two or three minutes. I almost wanted to blurt out that if he and I were still together, we could make out in there. But I bit my tongue, as he and I both tried to get it to do *something* anything, and once it did finally open, we were still on the first floor. So, we used the stairs instead. When we got upstairs, he tried to pry the hilarious 'area of refuge' sign off the wall, but it was glued too tightly.
The whole time, we tried unsuccessfully to avoid looking into each other's eyes. When I saw his green, and he saw my blue-greyish, that was what did us in. Though both of us tried to hide it, he was on the verge of tears, and I tried to cover my emotions up with jokes about P, and him, and how I'm obviously attracted to crazy guys. Anything to just try my best to get us both to laugh, instead of cry. He drove the long way home, and I know that was his way of letting me know he just realized he has missed being around my giggles, at least. Whether it will change anything or not, who knows.
On the drive back we followed a red Dodge truck that had nads hanging off the rear of it, tiny ?4 inch and for lack of more descriptive words � red plastic human testicles. We were both speechless and couldn't do anything but laugh. I mean, what is the appropriate way to respond when you recognize "balls" hanging off of a truck?
When we got back to my current place, he drove so slowly, almost as if he was trying to make the time together longer. He parked in front of my building, and we talked for a bit. His eyes were tearing up a little, as he re-mentioned what I should do with P this Tuesday. I'd mentioned how I still can't eat in public places, so he made me promise to have P with dinner, and then realized what he'd said and how suggestive it is, and blushing as cute as he ever has, corrected himself � dinner with P. As I almost went to get out of the car, he motioned for me to come closer to him, and when I did he reached his arms out and gave me a really sweet hug. Reaching back I genuinely said to him "I've missed you." And I don't care what anyone thinks, I really have, I've missed the person I met, the person I fell in love with and still love, the person he was today. As I was getting out of his car, he asked me what I'd be doing this Tuesday, as promised, I laughed and replied: I'll be having P with dinner. :-P He rolled his eyes laughing as I shut the car door and walked to my apartment.
I've a feeling I'm going to cry myself to sleep tonight. But it was nice to see him again. Really nice.
~e
