I'm pathetically depressed. I went to school today - depressed. I picked up my financial aid check today � depressed. I went to class today - depressed. I talked with the (smoking and drinking) death metal dude in my CS class, and giggled despite being depressed. P took off to be with his girlfriend and I got more depressed. I felt even more depressed after walking with the death metal dude to his truck, cause afterwards I had to walk all the way back to my class alone, and when I'm alone I think of suicidal things, I stared at sealed cracks in the parking lot and wished that one would open up and swallow me whole. So, to curb my thoughts I called W, which worked, but I felt more depressed after talking to W, because it feels so wrong to talk to him now. Brick walls galore. I went to English class � depressed. Sat in English class - depressed. And came home � depressed. And now I'm typing this � depressed. On a positive note, the death metal dude gave me a hug cause I'm cool cause I like the Hellraiser movies - strangest "reason" I've been hugged in my life. But, I got a hug � that's two hugs this week. I'm coming up in the world! Hack hack.

So, long absence story shorter, the acting teacher agreed to do an interview. However, I totally feared out in calling her, and instead emailed her my questions asking her to write me back�to which I've had no response as of today at least.

I was wondering if I'll meet people from each letter of the alphabet, then die. So far I know a D, E, F, H, J, K, M, P, and W�I guess I have yet to meet A, B, C, G, I, L, N, O, Q, R, S, T, U, V, X, Y, Z. Not too many left � my time here is short!

Oh, and the death metal dude gave me his number, as did the guy who I think is schizophrenic�will they call? I'm not holding my cigarette free breath�and I'm not expecting anything after I have to explain that I still "can't" to nearly everything. Oh, and he thought I was 19 too�

I'm not even in a mood to really write.

such is my lif~e