I'm officially a year older right now than i was two hours ago. I'm buying myself some Jelly Belly beans to celebrate, but I have no one to share them with and that makes me sad.

I want to share them with someone...it would mean a lot to me if that person we're still a big part of my life. But he's not. He likes it that way. I do not like it that way. He doesn't really care.

Other than that, my life as of yesterday was still falling apart. The hiking class I was hoping to take, I most likely cannot take for reasons i'm too depressed to get into right now.

I still need something good to happen.

odd fact: it's been in the chinese year of the boar or pig, each time in my life I've lost *everyone* at once. age 3 - my mom ran from my dad, leaving everyone behind. age 15 - my dads family picked up and moved on me without telling me or sending their info - all of them in one year. This year...all of my friends that I tried so hard to find over the past year to 3 years are all moving out of state. Even the one girl I got along with so well in English class, the one person I met that I was hoping would stay...moved to Cali.

I know what is going to happen in 12 years, but who will leave then? I need to die before then. I can't take this happening again.

Josh promised to call me tomorrow. Other than that I have very little to look forward to.