All 40 dogs in the mobile homes and surrounding farms are barking, it sounds surreal. And I have no idea what's going on outside.

Santa Fe has one less resident, thanks to some asshole driving the wrong way up Cerrillos Road. Why is it that the jerks that cause the accidents are never the ones to die? I hope I don't know whoever was involved. It'll really kill me if she was a classmate of mine. And yes, they believe alcohol was involved�good ol Santa Fe.

Today I spent the day nearly totally alone, 'cept for my cat. My mom took off to pay bills around town, Josh was busy, W is still hiking, etc. etc. When I'm alone it seems that anything I do to try to make myself eelless alone, only makes me feel more alone. To clarify, no the video games, picture editing, writing, reading old emails don't help anymore.

I haven't mentioned this to my knowledge, I told W that is all. But, it has to do with my mom, and why she's been so bitchy. For over a year she's had traces to visible levels of blood in her urine, as well as swelling of her stomach, and sincere sometimes paralyzing levels of pain. She's gone through menopause, so it can't be endometriosis anymore. The doctors have no idea what's wrong, and medicaid doesn't cover most of the tests for cancers or abnormalities. So basically, today my mom had another one of those mornings. Clenching her stomach, and crying. After a few hours, and after a few hours of yelling at me that because I'm not helping her more it means I don't care, which is of course not true, it lessened enough for her to go out. Anymore, I'm bracing myself for whattever is going wrong. It's contributing to my depression and anxiety, because if she dies I become a ward of the state, and they can send me anywhere they want, including the state hospital.

It didn't rain today, but the cloud cover looked menacing. It's quite cool as a result.

Well, I've been staring at this screen for almost 30 minutes, and I'm just feeling exceedingly alone as a result, (refer to above) so I think I'm gonna crawl into my bed and hopefully sleep longer than three hours.

When I wake up tomorrow, I will be a married woman, with a beautiful house, a loving family, and a good job somewhere not in this damn town. I won't have to deal with food stamp workers not calling me back, or school deadlines, or anything that I'm having to deal with.

everything will be okay, as I need it to be.

e