It's funny how most of the time when I get my hopes up that i'll have a good day, or a good time going out, it rarely happens.

what a waste of a day. No one was even there today. The only thing I could do is return my library books and turn in the SSI form. I spent almost 40 minutes in the bookstore to relieve my boredom. The bookstore doesn't know if or when they'll be getting the scriptwriting book for my class in, and the classroom doesn't have windows. I felt really alone the whole time I was at school.

And because i'm sad, W just signed off on me.

How much longer can I lie to myself that, maybe next year, my life is going to change? So many people today laughed in the halls and hugged friends. I heard girls talking to boyfriends and friends on their cellphones. When I call someone, I always call my mother. I still don't know what that feels like to just, have someone else to call. I've managed to be in classes with over 115 people so far, I've pushed myself to be more social than I normally would be, and of those 115 people, I met W and P and F. And W is the only one who still talks to me, as long as I lie and say I'm fine.

I wish I could get it through to my heart to stop wishing and hoping already.

Really.

e