I've begun something I swore off - I'm reading the first Harry Potter book. dunno what to think yet other than i wish i was bringing a book of magic and a wand to school tomorrow instead of my huge and heavy portfolio and bags of "stuff"

Today was sort of a really hard day to get through and not because of the following two reasons either.

I found a really awesome article of a blog that is publicizing what my own family went through with murdered relatives in gang neighborhoods - unsolved cause of the very fact that theres just too many and it was in gang neighborhood. 700 people have been murdered in L.A. alone so far this year, and it's neat that this journalist is bring that message to the front is a really awesome way: (**linkies**)
**the invisible war**

And I watched one of the hardest to watch films that deserves every award it was given: **Innocent Voices* Written by the (grown up) kid who lived it all in the nightmare of the El Salvadore civil war. It's a really horrific hard story to watch because it's from an 11/12 year old boy's perspective, as his life gets turned upsidedown by guerillas and warfare and I cried the whole time because I know this is happening all over the world still. But really, if you haven't seen a really good film in ages, see this one.

My day was only lifted from utter disaster by the fact that I "fixed" (as in rose from the dismal pit of disaster) my landscape art project. I like it now 98% (-1% for wrinkled paper and -1% for bending edges)

But...on a whole it was rather lonely till W signed online, and well...I won't go there it involves his nasty potty mouth and derogatory phrases and me signing off then back on THEN finally him being civil and actually begging me to not sign off again...haha i made him beg.

Okay even that's not it. What's bugging me, really. I did something kinda stupid. I signed up for the college talent show, for which the prize is, well being involved at all...?? dunno why that's it but yeah that's it. ugh. I had a dream lastnight, which was so horrific i forgot most of it. But I was reading my papers...and reading...and reading...and reading poems and reading other peoples poems... IN FRONT OF HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE - it felt so long and i felt panicked. That terror of it feeling that long this week is going to kill me if it really happens. If it feels like forever for it to be over with. god why did i agree?? I'm agoraphobic for christ sake, thats why I write so I don't have to speak!! maybe by van will be late and i'll miss it! yeah, or maybe a freak tornado will make everyone run.

I'm going to have to be so sincerely loaded...Captain Xanax in his Whity-tighties's to the rescue?! please?

silent e's are silent for a reason...and my 'e' prefers to be silent