I can't hold anything in anymore.
This whole week has been so fucked up.
All week, I've tried to distract myself from what finally hit me last night. W, my ex bf, informed that he wants to and sort of is dating a married co-worker named Lynda, who has two kids. W doesn't want kids at all, so why he's doing this is beyond me. And he says that they both are in love with each other. I think she's full of shit being that she's still married, if she doesn't love her husband, why isn't she already divorced? It's taking my heart and shredding it even more. I know I have to cut him off tonight, because I was up crying till 8 am, and then again now since i woke up at 11am. I can't watch him destroy his life and his dreams. I love him way too much.
He told me his other two friends here, best friends for almost 10 years, haven't talked to him in three weeks.
I'm planning to write a letter to his dad, since he lives with him, and tell him the reasons that his son is losing his mind, and that I'd like my stolen books back.
So far I've watched City of the Lost Children, Some documentaries on google, I've read Roald Dahl's The Witches, I've read a lot of The Phantom Tollbooth, I listened to The Secret Garden, I've listened to music, I've watched MIT Physics videos, I've pulled out handfuls of whats left of my hair and taken my meds...all in an attempt to not feel what I'm feeling.
I'm not okay. I feel really alone. I'm a goddamn agoraphobe and now I don't know anyone here in this stupid town. I emailed him and told him my terms and that I need to be added to his lost friends list, because I don't and can't supoprt him fucking a married mother of two.
~e