Why is that when I write a thought-provoking, intelligent, reflective entry one person will read it, while every time I write a 'brain-drain' semi pointless entry *eleven* people read it? Read two or three entries back for the intelligent reflective entries on a conversation with my ex�and um I think the other one is school and relapsing, but I don't re-read my entries once posted, so I may be off.
Being that I have so much to get done this next week, I probably should be breaking my ass over studying, but I'm not...I'm typing this and watching the first season of Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends...my new favorite modern cartoon. Sigh. I sense addiction coming on. I'm not sure I have a favorite Imaginary friend yet, but I'm sure I will soon.
This week at school was actually rather "okay" in the "alright" sense. As in no major disastrous things other than a certain person once again noticeably avoiding me to talk to someone mere feet from me. I'm starting to dislike him...
I had intended to show up for the first meeting of the SEEDS group (on-campus student environmental something something gardening in the desert with re-used unfiltered (cesspool for bacteria) water group...but I thought it was next Wednesday at noon, so oh well. I am a bit sad though, because there is no contact info for (or hell even the name of) the person starting it. And I wanted to join it - to get my ass in some filthy on-campus dirt and sprout something weedy (wildflowers not pot...duh), but I can't ask any questions of said person if I can't locate said person...ugh...people!!
Many of the trees are looking really beautiful with new sprouts. Besides ants, I've now seen really small black beetles, and some type of thin grasshopper-like insect that looks like it belongs in grassy areas. Tuesday, I watched a huge hawk circle in the sky then soar off. It was stunning. So stunning I forgot to utilize my camera...ahem.
On Monday my transportation dropped my pick-up ride, and they were going to put me as an on-demand making me wait up to 3 hours, or after class was over. Mama wunt havin dat over a mistake *they* made, so after she let them know that, they came 6 minutes later. I got to school over an hour later than usual. But in the hour before class, I read chapters 7 and 8, though I only vaguely remember images and names from both chapters so reading them yet again seems to be in my not-too-distant future.
On Monday I actually had a neat chat with a female (my age) in psych class. She is a former 4.0 student; she lost hers to an A- in English 111. I have a feeling I'm going to be losing mine to philosophy 111. As I've said before, 4.0 GPA's are like losing your virginity...at least make sure you lose it to a good class. Anyway, me and her compared worry strategies and the fact of being rewarded (by A's) for doing so much worrying (in psychology this is called "negative reinforcement" btw :-P)...oh, and since we both just got official Phi Theta Kappa application forms...that too. Other than intelligence, and feeling a tad dingy most of the time, I'm not sure we have much in common. But she has really neat tattoos.
By next Thursday, I have a psych test worth 20% of my grade. And I have a 4 page Philosophy paper due that, while I get the point, I'm not sure I can actually argue the reasoning of Socrates' philosophical views in the way that my teacher very broadly (as in, was not specific in what he) requested. But my teacher liked the quote I chose and noted its validity still today: (to an individual of Athens)"...are you not ashamed of heaping up the greatest amount of money and honor and reputation, and caring so little about wisdom and truth and the greatest improvement for the soul?..." While I like this quote and fully noted the timeless validity in Western-based societies, I cannot feel fully valid in arguing it in its original sense because my knowledge of Athens 400 BC is still sketchy. I can also argue against a similar quote, which in summary is something like 'truth is good'...I can say the motive behind truth is certainly not evil, but the 'truth' in and of itself may not be virtuous for it may destroy a needed belief. Now could I likewise say that if truth destroys something, does its destruction simply reveal the condition of the 'something' for what it really is...perhaps, most likely actually. But I then say, as an example, what if this really is "it" our one chance to live life and we poof into oblivion when we die, outside of a glimmer of us remaining in our DNA to offspring. What if we also gained full awareness that all life is without any soul or any possible chance for reincarnation...would we respect life more because of full knowledge of its impermanence? I doubt it. Would we disregard life even more because it is therefore meaningless? Sadly, possibly. Don't get me started on Heaven and Hell or life in the universe and other dimensions. Therefore truth is not necessarily always good, because the positive or negative reaction to the knowledge (or perception of it) by "us" as a group or individual is what makes 'it' good or bad to "us". Anyway, my 5th grade educated brain...in college...haha. I have more hiding in the folds and crevices of my frontal lobes and hypothalamus and other parts trust me...but this is my dilemma in writing this paper. To a certain degree, I disagree with Socrates and Plato on many points: that to know good is to do good, and that evil acts are merely ignorance and that truth is good...they're too black and white of statements for me to argue their validity. To say evil is ignorance discounts things like sociopathy (which I know he had no definition of 2500 years ago, but still.) Anyway, I could go on forever because I have no one to discuss these things with, and I am dying with this need.
Depending on if I get the paper written fully by Thursday, I may or may not take off from counseling next Friday and do a school paid private tour of the art museum downtown instead. I just hope I survive the week with both of the assignments being due at the same time along side my brain doing what it normally does.
On an interesting side-note, my philosophy teacher gave us a handout from the book "Sailing the Wine Dark Sea" (once referred to me by the illustrious Eric...whatever torrid "sea" he may be currently sailing). The copied pages of the philosophy handout we are "supposed" to read by next Thursday, to help us with paper #3, has a photo of a bronze statue from 200 B.C. of a masturbating hunchback...yeah. Philosophy class is THAT interesting (!!). ( And, I know you didn't expect me to type that) :-P It made me think about how a class of the ancient and modern world philosophies and superstitions of sex WOULD be very fascinating though. And to think, some sculptor, 200 BC, thought of and perhaps saw the hunchback, doin' his thing, and was like...'gimme some bronze, I'll preserve that for 3000+ years'. And he did. I�m not going to google 'masturbating hunchback' to find a pic of this statue, so�it'll be up to y'all if you wanna see some fine ancient 'pagan' art ;-)
I'm thinking I should read this handout before I write my draft of the paper; the latter 1/3rd is Platonic thought.
Do I have anything else to say? I know I do. I hate that my printer's ink isn't permanent. It smudges like a�Popsicle on a hot sidewalk. It's distressing. But I didn't like the quality of the printer with the waterproof ink. Such is life. May all my future teachers not accidentally spill anything near my papers, please.
Oh and I 'e-found', ahem, some classmates I really like. The younger girl I like in Philosophy is a dancer here in town, and is working on a major box-office level film now�she's 18. I did not know that. The other woman I like in psych, is a world-traveled THEATRE person�I never knew. She is a nude model. She also totally shaved her head, and she has pics to prove it. I want to know her outside of class, but she feels much more than 2 years older than me. grr. I'm afraid of dragging her and her adrenaline rushing (jumping from airplanes) ways down to my depressive level and/or not being able to keep up with her and suffering further self-esteem loss (if that's possible). I hate having my disabilities. Sorry. I do.
I have about 4 hours before I have to go to bed and be ready for tomorrow afternoon and counseling and food shopping. So much time�so much to do�ne'er the two shall successfully meet anywhere in my lifetime.
7 weeks till this is over.
~e
