lillian m. blakey moon_window




DIARY
Newest Entry
Archives
Profile
Cast
About Me
Agoraphobia
Disclaimer
Diaryland

LOCKED DIARIES
Valeofenna
Againsthesky
Echos-Cry
echo-beyond

CONTACT
Notes

LINKS
eXTReMe Tracker


Sunlight on Earth

� Copyright 2006-2012
Monday, Mar. 31, 2008 - 8:35 pm

=*=


Today must be a day for me to clarify things, despite my weird dream where I was literally in Santa Fe for school ( i took my kitty with me and fell asleep belly-up on the couch in the art dept. aww), Josh, still in Canada, lived down the street from my school in a TRIPLE-WIDE mobile home with his aunt and uncle (I was wondering where the basement was haha) and after class me and Josh took off to downtown - in Japan - Tokyo to be exact where we had a great time and ate grilled veggie-dogs and read Japanese posters - we could both read Japanese! That was one messed up city in my unconscious. But kinda neat too. :-D

Back to my clarification...(refer to my previous entry for the basis of all of this)

I'm going from thinking the counselor is wrong, to *knowing* logically that she *is* wrong. If people didn't know people of different abilities and inabilities, no one would know anyone. So her statement to me that just because I have a hard time socializing and being fully independent means I will not have any friends or people help me with anything until I learn to be fully independent is utterly false. And, with what she said to me, if everyone had to know how to do everything already, no one would ever learn or grow or dare to try anything new from or with anyone because if they didn't already know, say, playing tennis or how to drive, no one would ever take the time to teach them. People hang out with and teach other people new things every day. I've even done this with my limited abilities. It actually felt good as annoying as it was to teach a faculty member how to make a folder on the desktop - 5th grade educated ME.

So, I know now that, fundamentally, on this point, regarding what will happen with people I meet, she is wrong.

My mother thinks perhaps she, like all too many counselors, is projecting herself onto this undefinable 'everyone', that perhaps she would not take the time for me or someone, but that she cannot say that no one else will ever do so. Also, people I meet may not have the time, of course, but even the meaning or desire to do things with me means a lot to me and an "if i had time i would..."is still basic human caring. And people in my life did all of these things to varying degrees before they moved away. I'm very very undefined by what I consider 'caring' by people in my life, so it's broad and not based in any way on doing things for me or with me, though I do seriously really appreciate that and know that it helps me get better.

My other clarification is my philosophy paper.

Last night my philosophy teacher emailed me a ghost email...it disapeared into the ether-world of the internet never to be found again. He said it was a long, detailed email too. I felt crushed. So I did CALL my philosophy teacher, and luckily he didn't pick up. I left my cell phone # on his voice mail. He called back and went through question by question, and I have only an itch of insecurity in my ability to argue Socrates' points in the way he wants, but no questions anymore on format or what it is that my teacher wants. It's really amazing how much stress is reduced when your what's and how's and why's are defined.

And the paper is partly my own opinion and view on what Socrates believed. So that's not hard, I partly agree and partly disagree, so I find it fascinating. And I'm thinking that if I stay in school next semester, with my phi theta kappa membership, I perhaps ought to take up being the butt-biting gadfly Socrates mentioned, but not only to my governor/State, but to my school to get us a damn theatre and creative writing program, or at least an English degree, geesh.

If I get the paper done by Friday, I get to go hang out at the Museum downtown and have an exclusive tour paid for by my college. And maybe get a bike too, as theres a bike shop close by. But there's a smaller, or maybe not so small, goal I wanted to test out ... i'll tell you when i do it.

toes, and legs crossed...not eyes or fingers this time cause I won't type right :-)

~e

=*= one day i'll fly away =*=

most recent entries:

waving white flags - Wednesday, Sept. 27, 2017

yeah so, stuff is happening... - Monday, Sept. 18, 2017

my mind is on the blink - Tuesday, Sept. 12, 2017

How stupid of me - Saturday, Sept. 09, 2017

finally breaking down - Monday, Sept. 04, 2017