lillian m. blakey moon_window




DIARY
Newest Entry
Archives
Profile
Cast
About Me
Agoraphobia
Disclaimer
Diaryland

LOCKED DIARIES
Valeofenna
Againsthesky
Echos-Cry
echo-beyond

CONTACT
Notes

LINKS
eXTReMe Tracker


Sunlight on Earth

� Copyright 2006-2012
Thursday, Apr. 17, 2008 - 9:33 pm

=*=



Except for my coughing, which is now worse than it was this morning, it was an okay day. And I'm left processing a lot of thoughts and ideas, which I know I'll write of sooner or later.

I got to school just in time to meet with my psychology teacher and had such a good chat with her. She lent me a book about what is termed 'positive psychology', and I have to say I really like what I've read so far. Anyway, during our chat which was only 30 minutes but felt like an hour, and we covered so much, I brought up my psychology scale to differentiate levels of normal to extreme levels of disorders. She really liked it and asked if she could use it in class in the future, because it's so clear. I said yes. And I told her that I will really try on Monday to bring this up in class for my classmates to understand this as well, cause really � it works to comprehend the levels of intensity in abnormal psychology.

We discussed the stigma of disorders and how she feels it's really important, and her mission so-to-speak, to educate people to no longer label people and ostracize them, but instead to really learn from them and she said "and be compassionate". The way she said it was so�kind. I adore her. And her mission.

And we discussed my idea of disorders themselves being coping mechanisms � she agreed when I explained the concept and cause and effect reactions. That discussion lead to a discussion on therapy styles and how much I really love the work of Maslow and Rogers and Humanism. That sentence doesn't seem to be written right, but oh well. So I discussed for quite a bit about what I myself have noticed with this therapy style and how much it doesn't degrade the individual at all for having "disorders". It instead acknowledges them, but works to improve the strengths you have instead. It's really quite positive and�yeah makes me miss my former counselor. Because of this discussion we discussed my paper.

She asked me what I was thinking of, and she said that she loved my idea of the Neurons smart-talking the person. But really, I don't know if I'll write the play or not. I'm not so confused on what she wants though, which is good. And she told me that because she knows this is enough of a challenge for me just to be in class, that the presentation is my choice entirely � no reduction in grade if I don't participate, and my paper is only expected to be 4-5 pages like everyone else in class�although, for the presentation, I told her I do kind of want to say what I've noticed is lacking in the finals project. Namely: the essence of the person � the thing that literally is never destroyed. And, like with myself, those things that weren't destroyed by my life: my ability to read and write and spell, and insane love of it, my loyalty to others, my ove of cute bugs, my forgiving nature, my need for friends, my dramatic qualities (yes Josh you can roll your eyes, I was doing this at age 2), my love of theatre and opera, etc�those are some of the things that I consider my essential self, because not my disorders, my grandma, the bullies � nothing has destroyed that in me. So I told her how psychology has a tendency to think of the person as their disorders, and how degrading that is to be denied individuality and be placed in a box, seemingly tossed aside. She agreed. So I said that I might do a really short mentioning of that, and mention it in a way that everyone in class understands that literally every person alive has a core quality that is indestructible and unflawed � it may be hidden behind 100 layers of disorders and problems, but it's still there. She liked that, and thought it really wonderful that I can even begin to comprehend this to the extent that I do. I didn't say it, but it's hard not to when you're living it.

Another thing we discussed is my writing style :-) She told me she sees my name in the pile and actually sighs in relief. And she told me she feels better when she reads my writing�haha�really? Anxious, neurotic me soothes people with the style of my writing, even just paraphrasing on Freud and Pavlov's dogs? I have to try to comprehend this more. It may possibly be self-esteem building. I'm wondering if it was a cognitive psychology move on her part, but either way, I feel utterly grateful for yet another teacher who is appreciating what I consider my bestowed gift.

Geesh. We discussed a lot in that 30 minutes. I'm thinking there was something else too, but oh well. Now my brain though is really trying to do something with this, and in the word of Martha Stewart: "it's a good thing." ;-)

After that I went to philosophy class, and all the people absent last week were there, but most of the people present last week weren't in class today. So we still only had 6 people. In a weird way, I really liked that the other girl I really like in class has a cough too. It's almost like: this last week of possibly getting something for the year is reserved for all the cool people. Hehe, okay that sounded a tad narcissistic, and not possibly true, but�

Today, wow, yeah, today in class we did mostly a history class instead of philosophy. Some philosophical aspects were intertwined, but minimally. On an � oh I'm ecstatic note � we are into Descartes!! "I think, therefore I am" is such a neurotic thought. <3

Lets, see, last week we were stuck in 300 BC with Aristotle, and today we did a time warp to the 1600's. Apparently only religious people were allowed philosophical thought in much of the Medieval era, so he gave a snapshot of the reasons why and how it affected the masses in shunning individuality. I guess he is skipping it with the exception of mentioning St Augustine and Martin Luther. But yay. And guess what!! It's even called the "Modern Era." I love that. We got a fascinating look at the fall of the Roman Empire (and yeah, I've become convinced that this teacher can in fact make anything interesting). We had an enlightening chat of something I've known of, but I realized something else today. If Mesopotamia is also Babylon, and is now basically Iraq�that means that the tower of Babel was in Iraq, maybe even Baghdad. It also means that, essentially, Iraqi ancestors invented the zero. Hmm. And we're decimating that country. And the only way we can calculate our subsequent debt is by something their people invented thousands of years ago.

Anyway, so the girl in philosophy class, who has been speaking to me, did so again. I was afraid she had dropped the class. She didn't. After class, she walked all the way outside with me and chatted the whole way�it was still snowing. It's strange that she seems to like me so much. I like it. :-) What's more, I literally don't remember walking past the cafeteria area, at all. I normally dread having to walk past this. It's way better to just not remember having done it.

I watched the snow falling for a bit. Watched it some more. I saw my first rolly-polly bug of the season. When I got home, I looked out my bedroom window to see a male cat mounting a female behind the shed outside�and all this time I thought the male was a female. :-P I know too much about mating in cats�so I'm moving on and being thankful that my cat's were removed�

I cancelled the appointment with my counselor tomorrow, and I'm just staying inside till I feel better. Oh well to her if she doesn't like it.

My philosophy teacher gave us all an extension till Sunday for the paper, so I'm grateful.

Okay, I think that's my doings�for one day and not feeling so great, it was a very full, but very cold, day for this particular agoraphobee. :-)

~e

=*= one day i'll fly away =*=

most recent entries:

waving white flags - Wednesday, Sept. 27, 2017

yeah so, stuff is happening... - Monday, Sept. 18, 2017

my mind is on the blink - Tuesday, Sept. 12, 2017

How stupid of me - Saturday, Sept. 09, 2017

finally breaking down - Monday, Sept. 04, 2017