oh...and I forgot to mention that my diary can in fact be found by googling "plastic human testicles"...someone did...and they got the page with those truck nads dangling from, usually dodge and ford, trucks that I've seen a few too many times.

Anyway, while attempting to do my homework for psychology, I've been sidetracked by my own thoughts. My attention fully diverted, I'm now lost in character-driven plots that beg for the semester to be over already.

There is one similar theme to these plots and characters - that is 'limbo' - the state of being neither here nor there, this or that, present or...not. Upon noticing this, I should probably just chalk it up to my only truly annoying quality - my indecisivenenss. But no, not me, I'm not that sort of girl - I like to analyze my thoughts. So, it has lead my neurosis to think that I am in limbo - I am relapsing, but I am not relapsing. (Even though I am) But it's because I'm able to
do much more now than I ever have been before in the past 17 of my near 28 years. So, what does relapsing imply exactly? if you're able, still, to do more than you ever could before. The removal of a few gained skills doesn't take away from the abilities gained. And on the whole, I have come to the conclusion that the essential person I was truly born to be is still in here, being as dramatic, and emotional, and sweet and over-ecstatic to love and be loved as she ever was. So I am having a hard time dealing with psychology, as it only analyzes that which is visible in the person's behavior - that and it also lumps people into labeled boxes. Freud took it a step deeper, but then muddle it up - as "normal" people always do.

And so, I'm sitting here analyzing facts of disorders, and realizing that perhaps these aren't the way things really are. Perhaps those with Alzheimers do remember, but they can't express that they do, perhaps it becomes like a dream to them, you remember, then wake up and it's...only pieces. And overall,
nothing takes away from the facts of who they always were, even if they cannot express that - they were still, at one time, the small child playing. Nothing can take that away.

So, I guess with my brain mixing psychology and philosophy as it has all semester, my conclusion will be that psychology erases the inividual and observes only the outward behavior currently present, while philosophy recognizes that truths remain true and unerasable forever - even if no longer visible.

Gotta get back to my stories of an old woman, or a young man, or an infant in the womb...

which will be submitted, I don't know.

~e