I think I'll write an entry before the depression sets in over the fact that no one but Josh and my mom have said congratulations to me�

I am an official 5th grade drop out honors student in college. And I'll soon have a maimed 4.0 GPA, I�m sure. hehe� I admit that two years ago, if someone had said to me, you'd be in Phi Theta Kappa someday, I'da been all�pff, yeah, and who's gonna sign me up, Santa Clause? Not to mention, it does sound fairly sorority-ish, even though it's not really�as far as I know. No hazing for me, thank you, I've had enough in this life. And I admit that I took a peek at their 'buyables' and may spend some money on a PTK something or other, just cause I can�it's like, all they'll give me is a "gold" pin and a, actually *very* nice looking certificate. And I have a note that I am a member on my transcripts. But, I want an honorary PTK bic pen, or something. They have hoodies! They really exist! The grey one is so�me. :-P And what's funnier, I can request, I think, like 40 sheets a year of official PTK stationary with my name professionally printed on it for purposes of�I'm not sure yet, but I'm thinking to apply for scholarships? And when I graduate (if)�I get an official gold seal to affix to my diploma. Hilarity abounds. Plus in philosophy we went over, again, the various rituals people create to give meaning to physical things in non-spiritual societies � the thing is looked up to and admired in place of a god. I think all of that gold this and that and certificates is a good example. But I'm honored in a really funny way. I guess I kind of feel the way Harry Potter must have felt when he was accepted into Hogwarts and found out that he was born with a wizardy gift he didn't know of at all for most of his life. Speaking of which, I want my PTK wand�THAT would be cool, actually.

Okay, that's all I'm mentioning of this until something else occurs with it, which will probably be never, as I have no intention of doing international�anything. Except maybe in Canada. ;-)

My semester is almost over. I have only one class left - Psych on Monday. Pinch me. Is this really it? Even the girl in my philosophy class said to me, laughing: "The semester took forever, but it ended really quickly, it's so weird." It's true. It's weird. In fact, I remember a scene in the first Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory movie, where they all get squeezed through a de-foaming machine, and it does just what this semester did�it stretched them for a while then squeezed them out the end very fast. And so far, this isn't a bad finals. I have one psych test, and a philosophy paper on, most likely the movie The Truman Show. And, because I didn't remind him, (yay�I can be wicked when provoked by excessive A minuses, heehee), we get to do the vocabulary test online, actually we're submitting it in a .doc with the finals paper. I'm so glad we don't have to do it in class, cause I can take my sweet time and not stress � plus, I can check my answers before I submit it. It kind of annoyed me, though because, he gave us 25 words, we choose 15 to submit, but at least 8 of these he did not cover in class much if at all. Like, wtf is a Mauvais Fois? That doesn't sound Greek, and he only covered Greek and Latin vocabulary. I also thought we'd have multiple choice and stuff, but okay�I'm thinking perhaps it's a trap � I'm thinking he knows he didn't cover a few of these, and if you get them, it means you cheated off the web (?) Possibly. Maybe I'm over-thinking cause he never gave me an A on anything despite saying my understanding and papers were superb and excellent, and much better than the average student.

BUT, that is the least of my worries�

And I'm thinking the student president guy isn't writing or calling me because I let him know that I'm not being any more than friends with him. I'm hoping I'm proven wrong, and maybe he doesn't want to bother me for finals, but�I've been through this before.

I ordered three books that I want to read over the summer: The Glass Castle, Life of Pi, and�Gnomes, which, despite the title, is not a horror story about gnomes, but a very cute book on every aspect, including breast feeding, child rearing, courting, etc of the various gnome tribes of the world. And it's very cute � it even shows lil gnome butts :-D and I got it on sale for 5 dollars. I can't wait to get it.

Oh, and if anyone is wondering, the Staples store does give "rewards" back: after spending $159.00, I got $1.40 check to use on something else at�Staples. :-P

Today, so I don't feel too depressed over�people�the best things of the day are as follows:

A lady bug flew past me today, and kind of circled for a bit. And it made feel really suddenly, though only momentarily, good about myself. (to explain, one of my stories for psychology � one I didn't submit- was about a girl in a psychiatric ward, who discovers a lady bug has crawled in the window�it eventually escapes, and symbolizes her freedom from doctor-imposed labels�but I decided to be less activist in my paper, and ended up writing of an old lady with all her mental faculties intact)�back to my day�

I discovered a huge black bird that sounds like a frog, high up in a tree. I saw a small butterfly. I saw a whole bunch of sparrows. My favorite scent � fresh blooming lilacs � reminded me of my emotional grandma Lorain's lilacs <3 And they are everywhere here now, I am so grateful for that. My cat is an egotistic little butt :-D and is at this exact moment cleaning himself, belly up, on my bedroom floor with as much zest as if he were licking something much better tasting than himself. My mom went to the store and got food for today, as we literally had nothing, and I am grateful for that. I go food shopping tomorrow, but I was so hungry and my transportation would have taken about 5 hours to get there and back.

At school I overheard a funny chat with a guy who was so openly admitting to being utterly and entirely "shallow", that I actually laughed when I heard him say to the other guy that he is probably the most shallow guy alive. It struck me not for the hilarity of his shallowness, but the depth which he has to admit and be self-aware of it. He is aware that he lacks something others have. And the other guy was trying to argue with him over it, and he was defending it saying he cannot change. He's just shallow. Haha�:-(

Tomorrow I'm going food shopping and getting fruit (strawberries and apples and bananas, etc) and juice and�my mom said they're out of jelly belly's�and so I'll get something else.

This entry is about as good as my brain, which is obviously still a bit fried�it's finals. I'll be more descriptive and thoughtful whwen I have time to think of things other than anal stages and superegos and ubermenches...but philosophy class ended with my favorite philosopher (besides Empedocles) Nietzsche, so all is right with the world, yes, even with the sudden jelly belly famine...

~e