The only interesting happening today to mention, besides the disgustingly strong winds, is that I actually managed to answer my cell phone when it rang. Granted, I knew by the 428 that it was someone at school, but still. It turned out it was the director of the student ambassadors, and he was calling about a scholarship I'd received for getting my GED. While I expressed nothing but gratitude for receiving the scholarship, I had some scathing remarks about my experience at the college so far. This school has put me through so much that I'm not about to be sweet when asked my opinion of it. He, being who he is, starting talking to me about some of it, telling me that what I was telling him was actually really good that he know and why. I realized rather quickly that he was who he is, and we went on a roll with issues I have. He was grateful I was voicing these things to him. He told me that I seem really intelligent and asked me why I'm not a student ambassador, and I told him it's mainly because I can't take 9 credits, the only requirement I can't fulfill besides my fear of the Info Desk job. He quickly said he would remedy the credit hours issue if I'd come in to meet with him in two weeks and that if we could find something I can do, he'd signed me up. I'd get a $750 a semester scholarship. For that, I would really try to overcome my fear of the Info Desk and its old-fashioned wired beige multi-line phones�I'm not joking either. But first, I'll see if I can be signed up to meet with freshmen at the school. This way, I can kindly warn them of the ropes they're about to be hung with, and what to do when the school tries to screw them over too. I can also inform them of goodies if they do well in school, as I've received a few of the rewards. I'd also share ways to find the good teachers, which delightfully includes e-stalking. I'm also wondering if he would let me start a school "newspaper" as part of student ambassadors�I SO want to. It would include relevant tips, and info for the students, by the students. Something tells me I'm going to be crying at B in her office next semester asking for a few days extension of a paper or two�and something tells me she will smile at me and proudly say, "absolutely, you have till next week."

Now, first I need to say that at 28 years old, I am not allowed to lock my own bedroom door and if I do, my mom, who never knocks before she enters, hits my door and orders me to unlock it now, upon which she is guaranteed to abruptly open it, and start screaming at me for locking her out. Because of this, my mom came in my room over and over and screamed at me for two days straight over things I have neither any control nor were they my fault. Things like her rent check not clearing, even though we know her bank takes forever to clear checks. It cleared yesterday. And yesterday, I completely had it and grabbed my pillow and hit the floor with it over and over begging her, quite dramatically, to stop it. My cat heard me and came in, by which point my crumpled pillow remained on my floor, and I was crying under my covers. My cat ran in my room and meowed at me and tried to get to me under the covers, but he couldn't, so he plopped down beside me. As I reached out from my covers, he licked my arm very lovingly. It made me giggle. And he, obviously thinking 'oh, she's okay', got up and left. Men�

I'm feeling a teensy bit better about myself because, for some reason, I've only pulled about 8 hairs this whole week. I pretty much haven�t felt the need to pull, even with my mom yelling at me for two days straight. And I know, that when I do this and the urge returns, I end up bald. But, I'm trying to keep my mind off of my hair. I'm also trying to remind myself that if I can stop this, I can wear really cute girly barrettes and do things with my hair that I haven't been able to do since I was 13. I just have to stop pulling for a year and it will grow about 8-10 inches. That would be really sweet. I also fear doing things at school because I fear the bald spot showing and the dumb-asses gossiping instead of asking or respecting me. And my fearing people's reaction just isn't right.

In food news, made a really good melted cheese sandwich, and it smelled like I'd nearly burned the house down due to the butter burning. But, it was good.

And I got some photo papers I'd ordered today, so I can start printing out my photos that I love and doing collagey things with them in my still empty scrapbook.

Kay, I know I have more to say, but I'm tired.

~e