I'm listening to music, Billie Holiday in particular. I bought this CD collection over a year ago, and I really need to copy these to my iPod. I need someone here to slow dance with. Josh? Can you come down for a bit and dance with me? ;-)

It's pouring outside�again. It rains a lot here for it being the "desert". I never made it out of the house because the manager cancelled the re-certification appointment, and she left work, I suppose, to take a 3-day weekend. This means she has been at work all of 3 days this month. Because she left, I did not get my package containing my therapeutic punching bag and gloves, which were delivered at 10:36am and are sitting somewhere in that office. I'm going to have to wait till Monday to hit something.

I forgot to mention that yesterday a male tabby cat pranced across my entire driveway very arrogantly with his tail straight up in the air and a very dead mouse in his mouth. I hate to say this because I adore mice, but it was kinda cute to see it's lil tail all floppy and the cat being so proud of the tiny present it had found. It was like in a tale. Who wants to bet his owner was the benefactor of that little gift. ;-)

And I also think I forgot to say that a grasshopper stayed perched on my mom's window screen much of yesterday. I'm sure the rain washed it off, but the lil guy being an obvious adventurer had an amazing view for a grasshopper up there on the top of the second-story window. I admire these bugs who take their own path, get out of the fields, and see the world in a different perspective, be it on my hand or on my window. I imagined him meeting a girl grasshopper and telling her all of the things he saw up there and her not believing him. 'The world just can't possibly go on forever like that.' And he's like, 'oh, but it does, and you've never seen a sunset from up there.' Yeah, I love bugs.

I had a really sweet dream with Josh in it last night. I'm always so damn happy until I wake up. It was good to have him here. I think we were together, as we were very chummy and giggly and having fun together. And I think he was trying to find a way to stay here with me. And I think P was helping out with some of that, which he would probably actually do if everything was definite and all that sweet n good stuff.

This morning, I woke up at 10 am hearing dozens of birds outside. I heard a new one that sort of squawks like a horn. :-P While trying to find the two loudest birds in a tree, I saw a very sweet mama bird resting next to a mini version of herself on the wire. When I looked through my binoculars, the baby bird was covered in down with every feature of its mom down to the slight scissortail. It was curious about everything that made noise. It was so tiny compared to its mom, and so so cute.

Probably due to hormones, I wasn't feeling up to physical activity today, so I only did 100 or so steps on my stepper, but that wore me out.

It was so sunny all day, and then this afternoon at roughly 4:30 a pretty big storm took over my sky. It rained over an inch an hour. I was online for a bit after it started, waiting to talk to Josh, but when I saw a very strong, thick, straight, bright lightning bolt hit waaay too close to my apartment it was time to unplug this thing. I would say that lightning bolt hit no more than 100 - 150 feet away. I heard it hit the ground half zapping and half crunching before the loud thunder crashed across the sky less than one second after. After it had been raining a bit I watched something that looked like a weak funnel cloud forming. I was *so* happy when that thing dissipated. A flash flood alert went out on the radio with an added message that tonight the rains and storm would last till way past midnight. That part of the storm ended at around 5:45pm. But I think it's coming to life again.

Just as the storm was overhead, at least 30 sparrows, some lil cute black birds, and a couple of pigeons all ate together in the small grass patch in front. As the rain became stronger, the many sparrows huddled on the wire. At one point, when it began to completely pour, they all flew off in one spectacular cluster and swirled in all directions together in the falling rain. I felt so grateful to have gotten to see and appreciate their grace and playfulness up in the storm. I can only imagine what that would be like.

Somewhere in between all of this I got to talk to Josh. Even when I feel kind of crappy, he makes me feel better. Our 4-year anniversary is coming up next month. Hehe ;-) He's the only friend I have an anniversary with. There's nothing like celebrating the day you met, even if you're not married. I know what day I met W and I know what day I met P, but for some reason August 15/16th 2004 just around midnight means so much more to me. I'm going to brag again this year, just watch. It's a good story among my too many sad ones, so why not?

Hmm, I just got an email reminding me that my Netflix gift subscription from P runs out on the 25th. Maybe I should buy myself a new one, from "my mom." :-) shh. After all, Netflix does support agoraphobics all over the country in not leaving the house to get movies and I hate monthly payments. Besides, I am one of those agoraphobics.

And without friends here, all I can really do is make my life in this 10x12 foot box as bearable as possible. Wasn't that the whole reason I took a ridiculously big leap and tried to go to school? Yeah, I think it was. And now I can even be agoraphobic in public places!! I just hope I don't get stuck alone again. A friend would be awesome.

�

Besides, this town just had what is believed to be the second homicide of the year. So really, I just can't go outside anymore. It's too dangerous in this town. :-P Okay, Seattle probably has had like 40 homicides so far this year. Except for the insane increase in house robberies here, really not much happens that could support me not leaving the house.

Oh, and my mom bought me (with my own money) some liquid magnesium "to counterbalance [my] elevated calcium levels". So, I just took 6 drops in 2 cups of water. My mom's a bit nuts but often in such an annoyed caring way that sometimes you just have to forgive her and give in. And it's just 6 drops a day in some water. She really wants me to feel better and have less dizzy spells. And it tastes better than the tofu burgers she made me when I was 14 and had banned yet craved hamburgers. :-P

Kay, I'm going to go snuggle with my furball, who happens to be belly up on my bed.

~e