lillian m. blakey moon_window




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Sunlight on Earth

� Copyright 2006-2012
Friday, Aug. 22, 2008 - 1:16 am

=*=



I absolutely cannot spell when I am tired.

I am about to go to sleep and attempt to get at least 6 hours of it too. The eight-hour orientation yesterday was a lot insane. I sort of have like an orientation hangover; my head actually still hurts from it.

I'll get to yesterday in a second, I don't have much to say for today, so I'll start with that. Today we actually got our recert done�I should play the lotto. Yep�4th time is the charm in this case, even though she again was not in her office at our appointment time (she claims her son cut himself with a knife exactly at our appointment time which is why she left, this of course begs the questions why the fuck is he cutting himself with knives and why couldn't he have waited till after our appointment time to do so?)

Anyway, so we did get it and she thinks we should be approved because we're poor as heck, and she almost harassed me about school but changed her mind because I'm not full time. And we got to sign the leases too.

While filling out the paperwork, our neighbor called saying her electricity was off and could not figure out why and another in another building called freaking out because a bat was sleeping in the hallway. Lol. It turns out my neighbor had her electricity shut off by the electric company here. Oops. Guess what, for the first time in nearly 3 years, I do not hear her television blasting. Thank you PNM� and the bat, which was apparently brown, is now out in the great wide world�okay probably somewhere else in the building.

After that, I came home, tried to sleep but couldn't, and decided to try something I schemed up weeks ago. My camera (Fuji Finepix s700) is absolutely awesome. I can photograph my fingerprints with this thing. So I decided that my scanner often sucks, so why not photograph the copies of my ancestor's photos that a distant cousin I've never met sent me 6 years ago. Well it worked and they look every bit as good as the original prints. My ancestors are all on my wall, blown up big enough to see, surrounding my PTK certificate. I could write more of this, but really I have less than an hour to get to sleep.

So. Yesterday. I had to wake up at 6:30 in the morning to make it there by 9am. I barely made it, and I didn't eat anything. My ride came at exactly 7:45am, and I got to school by 8 am. I went to B's office, and she wasn't there. So I waited. I read her letter, which is amazing. I've read it since at least a half dozen times. I am in awe of this letter and cannot refute anything she claims, even though I really want to say�but, but I didn't contribute, not really. See I did, just primarily through writing, and I remember that she (mortified me and) copied nearly everything I wrote to share with her future classes, and I contributed through my insane memory regarding Sesame Street song lyrics, lol.

By 8:30 am, she still wasn't there. Another faculty member I have not fully forgiven for trying to make me stay in a really crappy class, when if I had stayed, I would not have met B, would not have done the expo, and cannot see how I would be doing the ambassadorship without the sequence of persons + events since having B for my teacher. Anyway, this faculty member said that B was not feeling well and asked me to email her. So I picked up and left, broken for giving not gotten to see her, hoping she wasn't too ill, and went to the room we were all meeting in. I was the first there. Another young lady I potentially can adore arrived shortly after as I was emailing B on my cell phone. A guy entered after that, and smiled at me and said hi. I half-assed said hi in return. The funny thing is that I could tell the ambassadors because we were all wearing some sort of blue, even if with black.

I entered the room and sat in the second row. People filtered in slowly and I got to adjust to the numbers that way. It remains impossible for me to enter a fully packed room by myself. A guy was setting up a camera to film the lectures. It made me nervous. I was hoping I wouldn't have to speak on camera � I didn't.

The director came in and only said smiling 'good morning' directly to me, he then said a general 'good morning' to the rest. It was interesting.

The lectures started after most arrived, and information, not all of which was 100% accurate or complete, barraged us. I was about to fall asleep, and felt utter compassion for a former psychology classmate who was having a severe tooth pain problem and had to leave early. One faculty member said something odd that seemed more a threat to get us to not tell on the school more than anything. It was something about if we tell on the school that they're violating some law, the federal government fines the person who filed the complaint 10 thousand bucks if the school is found guilty. That seems hokey, and I need to ask either her or my, wow, I have a boss technically, for further details and like a CFR code.

We had to listen to at least a half dozen motivational speeches, none of which moved me. I got to impress a few faculty members who know me and who I did not get a chance to tell that I would be doing this � they each lit up as they waved to me and only me before proceeding with their lectures. That, I have to say was awesome and made me feel really special.

At one point the director asked, gradually increasing the status if you think you're good, great, amazing, better than most, the best of the best. Unfortunately, he made those of us who said the best of the best stand up�I don't think I am, in an ego way, but in two seconds I thought of the past 17 years, and how unreal it is that I'm doing any of this at all, or even attempting it knowing I may fail at much of it or stress out a lot. And I heard Josh's voice in my head saying, "stand up", so I did, and briefly looked around the room, thinking�good god I'm only one of 6 who stood. I wanted to explain why to them, why I stood at being the best of the best. I didn't, but the African guy, who was one of the 6 smiled at me for standing. But the director said to everyone, "you should all be standing, because the 25 of you really are the very best of the best students we have here." Then he made everyone stand and I didn�t feel so stupid. :-P

By lunch time we had been introduced to or told of almost all possible faculty we will be working with this semester. This includes Student Government, and yes my friend (for the most part as long as he stops hitting on me) the student president�lol. um, it includes the real school president, it includes all the clubs and organizations as well, big people and big laws. The reason is because, (right in line for me to argue my wanting a theatre program here) the school is considering something I have mentioned to random people since I got here � unifying the people students and faculty and community � because the school is very spread out, very isolating and there is no interaction between the departments. The director also mentioned that he is wanting to expand the ambassador program to include all students, not just freshmen, and that would be so awesome!! I've been here three years and I'm still stumped. I also want to bring up my suggestion to him that we hold a 4 week class for 1 credit and make it mandatory and the ambassadors explain the ropes of the school, and get to interact with the students and answer their questions so it's less scary there. I would love to do that.

Anyway, where was I, I need to go to bed soon, so�

After eating, which was really hard for me in such a crowded room, my amigo (kind of) the student prez came up to me and talked a bit. He's writing me a reference letter anyway just because W's is so short, and because he really wants to anyway. Nice. I'm still not going to sleep with him.

After lunch, I talked a bit with one lady who voted me in, and she seriously likes me a lot, it's�different. And she's actually my age�also different.

So yeah, okay�after lunch we had to these memory games because he said he expects to know first and last names of each person by the end of the semester. This was hilarious to me because everyone, just about, was mispronouncing my name � the whole day. So I was stuck saying�almost, they'd mispronounce it again as I giggled louder, almost, then they ran out of options and got it right. To my delight.

We did that phone game where you whisper something in another's ear and 60 people later it�is not what they said. Well he wanted it to be, because he said we have to work together and he'll do this to us till we get it right every time�oy.

We got a brief tour of the school as a demonstration of what we will potentially be doing. With a lot of training and taking notes, I could see myself doing that. I did however freak a bit with the demonstration of answering the info desk phone and transferring people to other people. It has a lot of buttons and multiple potentially simultaneously ringing lines. Eek. I think I'm supposed to say, "goodmorning/afternoon (my college) information desk, this is (me a pathetically phone phobic person), how may I help you."

The woman who did the demonstration scares me a lot and after the tour was over, I would discover that she is in my group. She has no sense of child in her whatsoever, she is all grown, productive middle-aged woman who really likes to run things. Like people for example. So long story short as its bedtime, there were many jobs for each group and instead of asking, she just said I was too shy and too in my safe place and so I would do the presenting for the project we were working on, which was to figure an event that is cheap, easy and that the school could do in like 4 days. I was like, no, I'm writing, she said, "no, you're presenting." The director overheard her and told her to stop, that I'd work my way up to that, and to let me do what I want for now. She reluctantly sort of stepped down but let me know she wouldn't have otherwise. Like I said, she scares me. Her unwillingness to listen to no scares me. The way she pushes to supposedly support people, scares me.

In general she scares me.

I may have to lecture her, kindly, on the vast reasons as to why she cannot do this to me, mainly because I am not her subordinate.

We did brief presentations, it was enough for me to stand there while they spoke, really. And that�s all he expected today. He was proud enough that I answered his questions semi-audibly, even though I said few words.

The meeting ran over by 15 minutes and he didn't have time to ask the other females which of them can give me rides. But he asked a young lady I was in English with and she did oblige to drive me home so I could show her where I live so she (will hopefully remember to call me) and come over tomorrow morning to pick me up, so I hopefully can get an extra hour of sleep�universally everyone agrees that my having to wake up at 5:30 am to make it the 2 miles there by 8:30 am, is seriously ridiculous. So if they actually help me out it will be closer to 7 am.

The young lady is really sweet, and is glad to have another shy person in the group. I am too, to be honest. She speaks Spanish better than English, but she spoke just fine to me, and I LOVE her accent.

I came upstairs and was in shock for a bit, went through all of the flyers I got, and am left hoping that I can do this. Really do this. After all, I get a free shirt. Lol

In less than 12 hours, I get to find out my job for the week, and I get to learn about just how crowded of a hall I'm going to have to endure for all of 1.5 hours.

eek. And yeah, I'm still pretty severely agoraphobic�and my head still hurts. And this in no way covered everything that day either - just the parts i was awake enough during to remember.

~e




=*= one day i'll fly away =*=

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