When I post this, I'll obviously have some sort of an internet connection, even though it will probably be the one at school. I've been e-mailing Josh by cell phone, a lot, and feeling grateful to have that at least. It doesn't always send my messages, but after a few attempts, it eventually does. He is all moved to a new province, and without high speed internet as the town is small, but I am looking forward to talking to him when he calls me on Thursday. Josh this is a spoiler entry, so after the mentioning of the storm, don't read, or we won't have anything to talk about!!

Last Friday night, we had the worst lightning storm I've ever been in, and I've been in some pretty bad ones here. The lightning started off on the northern horizon a few miles out, and I thought it would stay there. Well, it didn't. Within a half hour, it came right overhead with at least a dozen gigantic thunderbolts hitting the ground mere feet from my window, and too many to count just blocks away. It was night, and when a gigantic bolt of lightning hit an electric/telephone pole out in front and knocked the power out in all of Agua Fria, it was pitch outside my window except when insanely bright flashes of the lightning illuminated my view to daylight brightness. It was in those moments that I could see that our driveway was completely flooded. During the height of the storm, I stood away from my window staring out at the view in awe, hearing crashes, popping each time a thunderbolt hit the ground, thunder, intense rain, and an occasional scream from someone who shouldn't have been outside. It was a terrifying storm. More so when a bolt of lightning either hit my apartment building directly, or came pretty damn close. I couldn�t tell because the flash of light was so blinding that literally everything went blue-white, except the outlines of the buildings when it flickered. And as soon as it hit, our power went out as well.

Sadly, even though we had unplugged everything in the apartment, it somehow did my modem in, that or the line, but Qwest is denying that the line is dead and the phone does work. The modem turns on, it lets me sign onto the network, but either there is no internet connection or the modem is so messed up from the lightning that it won't find it. Qwest is sending us a supposedly free upgraded replacement modem, even though I purchased this one and that is wonderful of them. But it can take up to 10 days to arrive. So until then, I'm living in 1989, at least at home. :-P And really, I'm finding it difficult to focus. I get a thought, and I'm like�'ohh�oh, I can't look that up. Dammit.' I sort of can on my cell phone, but the images are often too small, or the text spans 40 short pages that would be on a single browser page. What I'm looking for will inevitably end up on page 37. So, while it's convenient to have it for the reason I do � to check my email, look up maps and numbers and addresses in the white or yellow pages, look up weather, and alleviate some of my boredom during doctors visits, it's definitely not efficient.

Okay Josh, stop reading :-)

My week was a tad crazy even before the lightning destroyed my primary link to the world. I showed up to school Tuesday morning. Nervous. Extremely nervous. I wore the required screen-printed teal temporary ambassador t-shirt, so I stood out like a�student ambassador. I felt a little frumpy, because I don't like big shirts and this one erased all the shape I have. I ordered an extra small, and I needed an extra small. Unfortunately everyone as small as me took them before I got there. I had an hour till class, so I stayed at the front desk with other amb's, as I'll call them now. We were all tired; it was damn early. I tried to contain my nervousness, but didn't do so successfully. I just kept trying to remind myself that in under an hour I would be spending over an hour with my favorite teacher-person on campus, and that kept me thrilled to the core. I talked to a few people I've grown to really like. D is one of them, he's really nice, intelligent, short, kind of shy, hates watching sports, and likes literature, psychology, and theatre too. He's crush worthy actually�shh. Then there's K, she is so sweet and has disabilities too, has a high GPA, is terribly shy except around those she knows, and is an amb too�so we have some stuff in common. Actually I'm out of letters, there are a few K's I like. The African guy is growing on me, but as a friend not much more. The lady who keeps track of the hours is really down to earth and liked that I actually showed up when I said I would.

I left for class and was the first to arrive. The desks were arranged in an octagon shaped circle that only B would do. Lol. The room quickly filled up, and it turns out there will be 28 in class this semester. I loved that I could tell who had had B for a teacher before, because we were all beaming. Those who had never met her looked scared. As she did everything possible to alleviate their fears by showing them how awesome she is, I watched as everyone in the room changed from nervous to laughing. B did her story-telling, admitted a few of her fantastic quirks, and was so sweet�all over again. I've missed being in class with her so much. By the time class was over, everyone had gotten a taste of B's wonderfulness, and I was re-vigorated (are those words?) and I was not afraid of anything more than my obsession with commas, which I still need to curb a little. I'm in class with my best-teacher-friend, and it's so awesome!!

Thursday class was a little more settled, but I was in no way less ecstatic to see B. We spent nearly the entire class doing the school required in-class 500-750 word essay, by hand, with a pen, like in the 1800's, in an hours time, and only 5 quotes to choose from�and not one of us was enthusiastic about it. We have to do this at least 2 more times as well. I really don't understand writing college level essays by hand, but, it's not B's fault. I would go so far as to say that I considered my essay to be a rough draft at best and something I never would have submitted had it not been required. It was horrid. The rules given did not say we could write any sort of an outline either, and so my great thesis statement disintegrated as soon as someone shuffled papers. I had to choose a sentence that I wasn't sure was even a real thesis statement as a last resort. It pissed me off. Anyway, in honor of Josh, myself, and a few others who shall remain nameless for reasons of never being happy�I wrote my essay with a touch of explaining how suffering causes the growth necessary to question and seek, and subsequently these people/we have historically contributed to the Arts as a way to maintain and transcend the limitations life has given them/us. I tried to give examples to support my claim, but I could only think of people who committed suicide young, Van Gogh and Plath, so I feel a little bad regarding my people choices. I also chose Nietzshe, and if I had had 5 minutes to think, would have chosen Charles Dickens, and Frida Kahlo instead. Oh well. After class I talked with B a bit, and she confessed to me that I am making her Tuesdays and Thursdays much better. I told her that I'm really glad it's mutual. Oh! And right in the middle of class she handed me a picture of her baby niece!! She is so cute!! Lol. Oddly enough that made me feel really special, because only I got to see her. :-D

Back to Tuesday�I did the ambassador stuff. We were advertising opportunities for students. I met some really cool people in the chess club, found out that I actually remembered how a chess board goes. Got to shake hands with the scarily intelligent head student of that club. And as I did random things for our group, at least 50 people saw me and said hi to me. D and I kept crossing paths in the same hallway and so at one point I said, "D�j� vu", and he laughed. It was wild wearing that shirt, I swear. I also bumped into the only female who talked to me in psychology class, and amazingly enough we were both excited to see each other. She was ecstatic about me being an ambassador and was so kind in the few minutes we chatted. Unfortunately I had to go do amb stuff. I could talk to her for hours. But I bumped into her again on Thursday and found out that she may get accepted to the nursing program she wants so badly, so we are both thrilled for each other. It's kind of cute. From one maimed 4.0 student to another, we both know someone who knows we rule now. Lol.

Tuesday, my job mainly consisted of talking to the few shy students who managed to seek me out after looking around the crowded cafeteria area and was like�she looks shy, I'll go to her. I liked that. A lot actually. I got to talk to some really sweet people about many campus clubs and activities they can join to further reduce their already little enough homework time. :-P And it was fun when the popcorn machine started smoking, and we were all like�uh�staring at each other waiting to call security for an extinguisher. Luckily none was needed.

Wednesday I was so tired, but showed up to support my amigo, the student body president. Lol�my life is so stupidly weird, is it not?

Thursday my amb job was a short time at a table that no one went to, but where I got really sweet hug from the African, and got to talk to my newest friend and intellectual equal, D. So when D had to leave for class, I took off to get some things resolved that still aren't resolved regarding my accommodations for a private room in the testing center. The jerk who works there is still inept and asked me why I need a private room as if I did not have any documented disabilities whatsoever. He's such an ass, so I looked at him and said, "because I had a 4 week evaluation and, because of my disabilities, the doctor deemed it necessary for me to have, and if I don't get it, I'm dropping my classes and leaving school." And I smiled at him and left. He thinks if you can do one thing, you can do all things just fine, and only considers disability to be physical things. Fucking idiot�god�

After that I went to the info desk to brave the world's questions all alone. There was supposed to be at least 3 others there, and I was intending to ask one for a ride on Friday morning, but no one was to be found. Anywhere. So I sat for two hours, waiting for lost people to find me, emailed Josh the civilized way�on a real computer, little did I know, and basically got asked about 10 times where the library was, GED questions, enrollment questions, where they could register to vote, and there were still a lot of lost people who could not find their classrooms, etc. I still do not know how to use the phone, but only one person called, too bad for them. I left hoping the girl who drove me last Friday would call me, but�.nope, she did not, and I did miss the Friday meeting. One annoying thing about her is that she is from a Central American country and, while she speaks near perfect English, she does not like to speak English at all. So she may have avoided calling in an attempt to avoid speaking English. I've worried about her; I've gotten mad that she didn't call me; I've worried more. So I'm really lost myself now about what we're doing this week. My hours are also going to change because some weeks I'll need to be in the testing center during would-be work hours, because they'll only accommodate my disability on Thursdays. I emailed my amb director, and I guess he'll get that tomorrow when he returns. Hopefully I'll find out. But I really need these people to get it that I'm not going to be able to do this without them picking me up on Fridays, and communicating to me when they can't.

This weekend I got my homework done. I only had 30 pages to read and one page to type up. So it wasn't so bad. I found out a hilarious quality in my printer. When I set it to draft quality, it prints so fast that it literally shoots the pages out all over the floor. This one is definitely not and office printer. Lol. My only fear now is not having the internet working here at home by the 15th, when my internet class starts.

And W hasn't talked to or emailed me since last Monday. He definitely won't call me. So I feel shitty about that, as he's the only person I know outside of school. I need a life out here too. But, oh well. He works hard to let me know that he thinks I'm worthless. My life will never be fully okay, cause right now I still need a ride on Friday, and W is still an asshole. Without that, okay, and Josh not being here�my life still is a little crappy. Life is definitely a 4-letter word.

I slept much of today, and thought about Josh. My dreams all had an academic touch to them. And my thinking of Josh just makes me miss him more.

But I get to see B, have modern technology to communicate with, and I get to find out what I'll be doing�all tomorrow.

Okay, off to bed for now, it is inevitable that I've left something out, but that is the highlights of to-do's, I'll analyze the personal effect on me for this diary, which was great to say the least, when I have time. Mostly in regards to my still severe disabilities, but in my finding ways to do things the way I need to do them so that I accomplish as much anyway.

Agoraphobics rul~e :-)

Okay, I'm here at school in a civilized world with the internet working, yay. Turns out I'm not the only one with no internet. Yay, B is here. I'm going.