I've been so busy. I'm not quite sure what is happening to my poor little brain. My hair has suffered greatly this weekend, plus I think I'm coming down with a cold. But on Friday's ambassador meeting, it was discussed that we had not yet had an initiation ceremony for those of new to the group � this would include me. Josh, during our otherwise wonderful conversation today, did not calm my fears of hazing, flogging or otherwise, and I am still trying to envision myself having to walk around school with a raisin up my nose � thanks Josh. :-P I hope for our sake that it is a birthday cake in which we all together blow out one candle. Really � peaceful, nice initiation ceremony�and dammit, I thought I had overcome this fear 5 weeks ago when I mentioned it in my diary�but no, here it is to re-haunt me:

From July 23rd said of my boss:
"His writing is not very descriptive. In response to my question of the first meeting, he wrote that they "will feed [me] for lunch and have snacks in between." Which, because I'm new to this whole thing and paranoid of hazing, and because it's the closest to a fraternity I've ever been involved with, I took a pause and one deep breath and can only hope he means they will feed me lunch - not feed me for lunch, which sounds a lil creepy to me. :-)"

Next week a college from Portales, NM is coming to our meeting, and I'm nervous!! That college has theatre there!! They apparently want to see us represent the college to re-enforce their own ambassador program, and oh my�

We are traveling to the city where the state mental hospital is located in November as a group � not to visit the hospital, hopefully, but the college there. This scares me, really. Um, we are planning a Pajama party at school. Lol. I still have work to do as well. We'll be doing the Halloween stuff, and a few other events really soon!!

The biggest thing on my mind though is due Tuesday. My second English essay is about America. In particular 'the American dream' and what I perceive that as. My teacher and dear friend B had us each write our idea of it; mine was, of course, the most unique. :- Out of so many that said money, freedom, blah blah, I simply wrote '-escape-' but then I needed to clarify it as it was being copied for the class. So I expanded it to clarify my position. I truly believe 'escape' is the ultimate American dream, though, and has been since the first stupid people came here, hit a rock, and had to rely on the native people to not die off�they were escaping the conditions of Europe (for various reasons). When they started needing to build their towns, many got lazy and escaped their duties to drink and have 'fun' with the native women. So the first laws and punishments had to be passed to make them behave. Then they tried to escape getting caught. Throughout history various people tried to escape slavery; they tried to escape their countries of origin; they tried to escape poverty, oppression, religious idiocy, other religios zealots brought it with them and continued to try to escape eternal damnation. My own ancestors escaped Prussia in the early 1700's, which had murdered around 20,000 leaving 5,000 Mennonites to escape to England, and then America. Another line rich enough to buy their way here escaped England beside Wm Penn, or tried to in 1681, we all know they eventually did as many British supporters escaped America for Canada. 200 years later my Mennonite ancestors married into a family that fled to and became Mormons in Utah to escape the horrid conditions of the industrial revolution in England. They in turn married another family who escaped the impoverished conditions of Sweden for the conditions of 1900's Chicago, Illinois. And now, just 50 years after that, their descendants (at least my line) are escaping life by doing drugs, drinking, etc. as they also try, unsuccessfully, to escape the prison system. My sisters choose to escape into books, and TV, and my brother escapes through video games�

But why is that I can't put this all in god damn essay format?? I need to calm down. I'm going to take some Xanax now�and maybe watch some Youtube videos.

~e