lillian m. blakey moon_window




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Sunlight on Earth

� Copyright 2006-2012
Monday, Dec. 01, 2008 - 6:52 pm

=*=


I spent Thursday, Friday, and Saturday nearly till Sunday with D. It was supposed to snow but didn't. It was a really good week.

There are so many sweet things he does for me, and he really seriously takes care of me in a way I'm not used to. Unlike with W, where hugs were almost forbidden unless he made me cry and tried to get me to stop, D has a hug or kiss or a shoulder ready for me whenever I like. He is house-sitting this week for a lady he knows who owns a 4 bedroom 3 bath house and two large dogs. He and I kind of took it over as if it was ours for the weekend. :-D It was fun. I'll get back to all this in a bit.

Wednesday I went shopping and got everything on sale 50-60% off. It was great. Well, it was great till 1 pm when it started to get crowded. That's when this particular agoraphobic decided to go elsewhere. But I got a whole bunch of hoodies, new gloves, two fleece jackets, and a really nice coat. So I'm plenty warm now.

Thanksgiving went really well. D was thrilled to finally meet my mom and have us all together for Thanksgiving. I was thrilled that my mom actually went. My mom really likes him now that she's met him. I still think she's a lot clueless about what's going on between he and I, but oh well. She did say "I can see why he likes you and why you like him" but that's as close as she's gotten. His grandma really liked all of our company and invited us back. All around it went well, and D, a vegetarian cooked his first ever turkey..lol.

D's grandma is a real grandma, and very unlike mine. She is almost 80 and a little feisty but very respectful and sweet. I apparently kept melting every time I looked at D and she noticed and smiled and grabbed my hand and held it so sweetly. It felt so accepting. His grandma told my mom how D takes care of her, and makes sure she has what she needs. As she was saying that, I thought about how he does the same for me and how grateful I am to be so cared for in so many ways. Like, D knows I don't bring lunch to school, but he told me that he was bringing food he knows I like and putting it in the fridge at school tomorrow, and if I get hungry it's there. Stuff like that�

Anyway, My mom and I stayed at his grandma's for 6 hours, till my mom and his grandma were both falling asleep. After he drove us home, he let me know that he would like to spend more time with me. And I decided to stay with him. So we drove all the way back to his grandma's and she was asleep but woke up. He and I took all the Thanksgiving food to the 4 bedroom house. We kept playing with the appliances and being in awe of such unused excess. Her Amana fridge has water, ice, and crushed ice options. Her gas Amana oven is digital and really confusing, but he figured it out to bake me pizza on the 2nd day. Her dishwasher has no buttons and I did not figure that out. She has two kiva fireplaces that are not used.

After arriving at this moderate palace, I was greeted by two slobbery dogs, a lab mix and a catahoula hound. I'm not going into a lot of detail of what we did after that, but it was all good. 0:-) We did watch Amelie, which he really liked. And we pretty much fell asleep in each others arms. And the next morning we woke up in each others arms. He heated up our breakfast, and we ate at a real table and talked. That night we watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, which he liked, but when we talked about each other, and I talked about what I want and need, which is someone to stay and appreciate me and let me appreciate them, it brought him to tears and we talked a lot more. He told me all of this really hit him when I said that. And we again fell asleep in each others arms.

One thing that was really sweet is that I woke up in the middle of the night because one of the dogs had barked. He slept right through it. I laid beside him and listened to his breath and couldn't hold back anymore. I gently reached over to his hands, which were rested on his tummy, and held the top one. He sort of woke up and held my hand and went right back to sleep holding my hand so lovingly. It's little things like that, along with the big things that make me feel so appreciative of him. He lets me love him and he loves me more for it.

The next morning we woke up in each others arms yet again. Except by then 3 days had gone by and well, we really needed to shower. I've never taken a shower with anyone before�He makes me feel so beautiful that I was only self-conscious of my hair which remained up in a pony-tail. He wrapped me up in his beach towel.

This week is finals though, and I told him to focus on that. It's just one week. He reluctantly agreed, and except for calling me and seeing me at school, I'm making him stick to finishing his homework, dangit.

Other than that, I've felt a nauseated and bloated for the past week, but I think it's just stress. After all it's very much finals�and my research paper is taking the wind out of my sails�I'll have at least 15 sources for an 8 page paper.

But I can't wait till school is out!!

Next semester will be hard with D taking 5 classes. I'm determined to survive it with him and be there with him as he gets his bacchelors degree.

And my friend Josh, who I adore and miss, got a job, so we may be back to internet chatting soon. Yay. Except for the fact that I bought a 40.00 international calling card that I haven't used.

Oh well, life is good�my homework is waiting for me.

He played this song and as I listened to the words I thought of this diary and the world and my friends and the people at school...and he and myself and it fit the moment and what we had talked of so beautifully.

The Beatles

Within You Without You

We were talking - about the space between us all
And the people - who hide themselves behind a wall of illusion
Never glimpse the truth - then it’s far too late - when they pass away.

We were talking - about the love we all could share - when we find it
To try our best to hold it there - with our love
With our love - we could save the world - if they only knew.

Try to realize it's all within yourself
No-one else can make you change
And to see you're really only very small,
And life flows on within you and without you.

We were talking - about the love that's gone so cold and the people,
Who gain the world and lose their soul -
They don't know - they can't see - are you one of them?

When you've seen beyond yourself -
Then you may find peace of mind, is waiting there -
And the time will come when you see we're all one,
And life flows on within you and without you.


~e

=*= one day i'll fly away =*=

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