I know so many people, but the ones I'm closest to are no where. So I don't feel like I can call anyone. Everyone I know is 18 and needs my help to figure basic life skills out.

I'm not fully sure why I suddenly feel so sad. But I do. I finished all of my classes, officially, today. I've tried talking to advisers at school about my degree, and I have yet to receive a solid answer as to what I should do. So I don't even know what to do right now. I feel very stuck and unhappy at my school, and for that reason alone I'm happy the semester is over.

I haven't talked to my friend P in like 6 months. Josh, well, it's been a while too. My ex...well he let me know not to count on him anymore. My favorite English teacher skipped out on seeing me today. I guess it's just ignore 'e' week. I email people as they act like I never did.

In a lot of ways I feel like my bf's grandma only likes me because he does. She's all excited to see him, but changes when she realizes I'm walking through the door too and literally jumps away from hugging me. And do be honest some recent comments he's made to me have made me question that he likes me anymore. He was asked today by a mutual friend if we're happy together, I said yes because he said nothing.

In a lot of ways I fear that D isn't happy being with me. He mentions a lot that he likes being alone, but then he says, 'but you're always around.' And I only spend on average 2 � 3 days at his place...hardly always unless you count school, and yeah I've seen him 6 days a week due to our classes and schedules. But at school I'm usually working, so it's not like I'm dragging on him...or begging him for time together.

I guess I really need a good friend, but all of my friends disappeared when I got together with D.

I guess I'm going to go take a nap and cry or something...

I don't know what else to do anymore. I'll be 29 in 12 days, and somehow I feel like I should know more than I do...

oh...and I saw a really beautiful bluebird today...

~e