I'm sitting here in a big, very old adobe house out in the country, wearing my boyfriends black pullover hoodie, because I'm chilly. Snow is still in patches on the ground. It is windy. I can't think of anything good to write. I have too many ideas but they're going nowhere. My bf is housesitting, I am along for the ride. A ride which includes an occasionally leaking roof. He is lying on the floor having gone through this weeks ads in search of a harddrive on sale. He is now reading this months National Geographic Magazine that just came in the homeowners mailbox. There is an article about a monastery at Mt Athos in Greece. A monastery that my bf came within months of transferring to. He didn't because of personal conflicts with the Catholic ways of gaining enlightenment...mainly the sitting around all day repenting for living and waiting to be struck by God. He still prefers doing something to attain it.

He is now on his laptop laughing at something that sounds really festive in a non-American way, perhaps Dutch. It's the International Polka Queen Scary Christmas Dance, he says. He got it from an article of Krampus, a deity, of sorts, who takes bad children to Hell during Christmas. He is laughing, but says it's pretty damn scary.

I'm struck with a story in my head of two people living in other people's lives. But I cannot piece the parts together. I do not want it to be a story of crime, of stealing others lives, but of transition, adjustment, and newly altered perspective.

I bought the DSM-IV. It was $69 (30% + $5 off). I've come a long way since I fit every single criteria for Avoidant Personality Disorder, Agoraphobia w/ Panic, and severe PTSD. My coping mechanisms (the disorders) still linger though in times of stress and adjustment. My instict says, always to "hide".

There is a raven on the roof, likely calling to his friends and relatives about the bread that my bf put out in the birdfeeder.

I like ASL because you must interpret the meaning of what is being said, not mere words. And it's theatrical.

I wonder if I can write something decent...

~e