lillian m. blakey moon_window




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Sunlight on Earth

� Copyright 2006-2012
Saturday, Sept. 04, 2010 - 7:49 pm

=*=


...I could really use a wish right now...

My life only seems to get crazier...

About a week ago, we - me n my mama, found out that we likely will be able to get a grant and loans to buy a house. It must be stated that we are about as dirt poor as two people can get. But I'll know Tuesday, and I keep looking at the house we want to buy - a 3 bedroom 2 bath house with a huge backyard and oh so many extra rooms - I've never lived in a place with more than about 4 rooms, this house has 8. It has so many rooms my mom agreed that if we get it I'll have two bedrooms! It's even on the very street we once walked down and thought it would be nice to live there! And it's cheap enough that *fingers crossed* we may qualify for it. Ironically it has every single thing we always said we would want if we bought a house...it has a big open kitchen, new roof, new furnace, tile floors, the backyard is south facing, the garage is even heated - who ever heard of such a thing? And it's nice, and big, and...I'm questioning my sanity because I'm on SSI, and while I know better than to forego paying a mortgage - ever...I'm not allowed to save more than $2000 in the vank or theyll cut me off till I do. can $2000 fix very much if a pipe breaks or a wall leaks, not really.

But the hope of this house is helping me cope with the fact that we had to call the police and report that I saw my neighbor downstairs assault her son last night, and she threatened to hit him in the face again today, twice. So I haven't exactly been able to get my homework done. I've gotten the necessary stuff done, but I'm very overwhelmed by hearing abuse and screaming and yelling all day.

Being that I grew up in and have pretty much only lived in low-income housing, the idea of a house has been a lifelong dream. My walls being MINE. I can paint them, I can hang shelves on them. My three childhood dreams that involved things were to live in a house, with a piano, and have a canopy bed. So, we'll see. But I doubt that I'll get through college with this crap going on. In a house, at least there wouldn't be fighting below me.

I messed up on my public speech about myself in class two weeks ago. I said nothing I wanted to say and rambled on for the 3 minutes. I went blank as soon as I recognized a girl in my class nodding her head in agreement with me, and I suddenly stopped and couldn't think.

My instructor went through the public speaking structure, but I'm not so into it. I'm still quite actively agoraphobic, and I wish I had taken small group communication instead.

So I'm not sure of a topic on speaking for 5-7 minutes about some aspect of public speaking - but I'm thinking of discussing the importance of connecting with your audience and including them, even in small ways, into your presentation. This, of course means overcoming my fear of including my classmates and showing as well as telling. My back up, for fun, was talking of the importance of actually speaking. :-P

I miss California, well, I miss the beach.

My relationship with my bf is good sometimes. We are both straight A homework junkies. So I will likely not see much of him. :-(

And somewhere in between the house loan process, the neighbor, my speaking class, and my bf, I lost my ability to sleep...4 hours in 3 days!

So I'm very tired.

And I hope my life and living situation is less ghetto and more middle-class...

~e

=*= one day i'll fly away =*=

most recent entries:

waving white flags - Wednesday, Sept. 27, 2017

yeah so, stuff is happening... - Monday, Sept. 18, 2017

my mind is on the blink - Tuesday, Sept. 12, 2017

How stupid of me - Saturday, Sept. 09, 2017

finally breaking down - Monday, Sept. 04, 2017