lillian m. blakey moon_window




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Sunlight on Earth

� Copyright 2006-2012
Monday, Oct. 24, 2011 - 4:52 pm

=*=


I wrote most of this on Sunday, October 23, 2011

I have eaten more today than I have been able to in two weeks. I have no idea why. I test food, and if it runs through me I don�t eat more. Food today has just decided, so far, to stay in place.

Outside I keep hearing random blasts that ricochet and echo off of the surrounding buildings, and were I not living in one of the most boring towns in the Southwest I would think maybe a war was waging somewhere out beyond my view.

I am now so far behind on my homework that it isn�t funny. But I am trying to catch up�you know by staring at it for hours and by listening to youtube music videos all day and commenting on friends posts on fb all day. I have to do a small business plan by Tuesday. The directions include the words �be creative� and since he did not specify that the employees have to be human, my business plan consists of intergalactic creatures collecting DNA of humans in order to diversify DNA in species across the universe. And just so you know, in my business plan it takes 5 minutes to beam someone up.

My bf yet again managed to do something that should have been romantic in the least romantic way possible. I was melting down last night at 1:30am, and he called me, and I slowly fell apart right there on the phone, sobbing in utter undone homework wretchedness. So after he was all short with me and sounded tired himself, we said goodnight to each other, and I hung up after about 20 seconds of silence. He called me back and nervously said �hey, I wanted to tell you I love you but you hung up too fast��since when does he ever tell me he loves me?? Never?

lord�

So after another half hour of talking and consoling me at 2 am he at least said it again�finally. He said the words �I love you� to me�from across town before hanging up. I sniffled an �I love you too� back at him while wondering why he can�t just say it to my face already.

It only took 3 years. I still have his �I love you� text the first time he typed that to me at all, while he was boarding a plane to los Angeles and was 70 miles away. That only took 2.5 years for him to do. I suppose that means he is making progress. Maybe someday he�ll learn to be a little more romantic about it, a little effort - a hug or something while saying to my face. You know�

This however is a first, The first time a bf of mine actually said I love you to me. Now that that has been noted�

We went shopping at the nearest version of Los Angeles, last week, and among our adventures that included window shopping and actual shopping and a sip of his really good mocha hot cocoa at b@rnes and noble, he took me into a really well-disguised toy store�ahem. And he didn�t warn me first. But he said specifically for me to add this to my firsts list.

After getting accosted by the lady at the counter for my purse, I looked around and saw a variety of penises made of diverse materials�oh lord�I didn�t really know how to react. There were so many of them, and so many women�s asses on so many packages, and so many other things that I�m not quite sure what they do and maybe don�t want to know. O.O

The fluffy pink handcuffs were cute. I guess I didn�t know how to react because he has never expressed an interest in much of anything sex-related and here he is taking me into a store with witnesses to us looking at enormous d*cks and nipple pinching devices for people with 6 nipples. And cake pans in penis shape. I�m not against that stuff, I don�t think, but it felt weird to be there with him because of how he has been. I think he just needs to go and buy something already. And it seemed like a place you should pay only in cash�

Monday I have a consultation with a gastro doc regarding my digestive issues. They can�t do a procedure till December�when I will either be dead or completely healed and either way it seems pointless to go through this if I have to wait so long. So I�m not thrilled.

I can see the star Sirius out my window�it�s really pretty.
Written Monday, October 24, 2011

I didn�t make it to the gastro docs because my mom decided to eat something she knows she is allergic to and kept us both up all night vomiting it out. She is still sick from it. I had no one else to go with me because I have really super awesome friends. :- Unless something changes by tomorrow, they cannot see me till the last week of November for a consultation and another month after that for the endoscopy. And then I sit here thinking I�m almost back to normal again, right? Why put myself through that over waking up with blood in my mouth one night?

I was never a very good sick person. I never faked being sick as a child because being sick really sucks.

And I have school tomorrow and a project worth 20% of my grade due. :-

~e

=*= one day i'll fly away =*=

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