I am trying to remind myself that just because i cannot sleep properly, have no medication, cannot remember things, and am a ball of stress, does not mean that I am not doing amazingly astoundingly well, considering. I have not fully fallen apart. I have not killed anyone. I have not failed a school assignment (I have straight A's again) Reality does not feel okay, and I am still leaving the house despite not wanting to. This would not have happened even 5 years ago. That fact is awesome...and I did all of this without adequate therapy or help from medical professionals because they never believed in me anyway, and I proved them all wrong. You can drop out of school at age 11, spend 14 years ill, and go to college and become an honor student. It just takes a lot of determination and extra studying.

It is okay for me to grieve, despite my hating my college, because I am transitioning, and I will grieve for missing the good people I know (who are all too busy to hang out with me). It is okay if I freak out a little because I never was good with handling change, and my life is about to really change once I graduate. I can fear falling on my face in front of 400 people at graduation, and even if I did I would get my ass up and keep walking, because I've gotten good at that skill. After I graduate, it will be okay to freak out at having more options, and it is always okay to take time off.

Now if only I could get the broken record in my head to play THAT on repeat...

And thank you for your notes, it really really helps, more than you know. <3

~e