lillian m. blakey moon_window




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Sunlight on Earth

� Copyright 2006-2012
Tuesday, Apr. 03, 2012 - 5:37 pm

=*=


I have been alone all day, for once, at my boyfriend's house. With his kitties, who randomly seek attention. My boyfriend's grandma is in California, and he is 80 miles away at school. I realize now why his grandma watches game shows. TV is really awful. It's like 250,000 commercials and infomercials with a few TV shows and the news thrown in. :- I tried to find some specific channels, but there are too many infomercial channels, and I got lost in the mess, or tired of searching. The menu does little to help find anything.

My boyfriend has calmed down because I let him have it. I can't really yell, but I can voice when and how someone's actions make me feel like shit and increase my disability symptoms.

He is still sick but doing better, I think, though he still is coughing, and I'm afraid of the antibiotic not knocking out whatever infection he has. He still refuses to go to doctors, especially now that he has gone to ER and made up for the 25+ years since he last saw a doctor.

He gets set off frighteningly easily. And he rages until all of his anger is spent on whatever way he can find...so far he hasn't hit me, but he's come close to throwing things at me unintentionally. I'm tired of it because he was never like that for over a year when we were first together. And something as unimportant as burnt toast or something dropping on the floor will make him cuss like a drunken sailor and go crazy on everything else.

The weather reports keep saying that the snow has stopped, however it keeps snowing here, and the beautiful peach tree that just bloomed this year is covered with snow and ice. I'm not sure if that kills the possibility of fruit or not.

I am finally sleeping semi-normally again. That feels really good.

I have about 85 pages to read for bio by tomorrow.

I think I am likely trying to do more than is required. I am trying to remember this crap. I don't think I'm required to do that.

Last week I went to a nation-wide renonwed race-based conference for 2 days and got snubbed by my very own student gov. people. My boyfriend and I were in decent spirits, despite varying levels of not feeling well, and were greeted and then...the bastards walked away. Like we weren't there. It was lunch-time, so I figured we would sit and eat lunch together...well eff if that happened. We tried to follow, and after looking at them walking like one solid unit and being quite immature (and perhaps intensely high on something), and my boyfriend stopped walking and said, "well, I don't feel any part of THAT." To be honest, I didn't either. I refuse to partake in cliques...they can do their own minutes if they want to do that shit. I am not happy at all. I decided that since none of them has communicated to me or sent me the audio recording of the minutes, I would simply not mother them, and if we have no minutes, it is on them now. I was sincerely too attend last week's meeting.

I can have no punishment if I up and drop my role as secretary as I am not officially in the role and did not sign a thing. I was appointed, and somewhat self-appointed.

I am trying to focus on homework, but the bottle of sherry on my boyfriend's desk is beckoning me. Besides, my tummy is bad, and has been for a few days, and sherry almost always helps with that. I haven't taken meds today...I think I need to get drunk. Is it bad to drink alone? :-

~e

=*= one day i'll fly away =*=

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