I am blessed with one of those mothers who holds things you did at 7 (like getting chicken pox, and other "intentional" things like that) against you 25 years later.
Today I watered the newly transplanted tomato plant I bought her at 5 pm...according to her I am supposed to wait till SIX to do something like that...so I got massively screamed at.
I bought her a new pot $12, soil $50 worth, and plants $30 worth...did she say thank you once? nope.
I am no longer touching the yard, it is hers. I will stay in my room all summer and only go downstairs to get food to bring up here. I pay half the rent and bills just so i can exist in my 10x10 foot bedroom.
I told her to throw away my plants; i don't care anymore.
I am considering renting a storage and slowly moving out, but I have no way of moving out. I have no money for rent, and I'm still very agoraphobic and my boyfriend lives with his grandmother who hates me because she wants her grandson to herself.
it is very obvious that she will actively stop me from writing this year. She is pissed that the house is not spotless, when all of the crap all over the floor that she keeps tripping on is hers.
I dread having to come home. I hate being around her. My life is fine and then i come home and it suddenly isn;t, because of her endless list of everything I do wrong in life, like get straight A's, join leadership groups, graduate with high honors, read books and try to write books, tutor people, go for walks with my boyfriend when I am bored,been with someone almost 4 years who just managed to get a Master's degree graduated with a 4.0 GPA and has two jobs and is the most reliable person I know when i need him...it's just such awfulness that I do in my life! I'm such an awful terrible person because...of her list of everything else that i don;t do right. :-
And I am supposed to be happy...I really hate my life. I need to be a normal selfish bitch of a 30+ year old...unfortunately I'm stuck in my house being "good", which to her means not good enough.
It is otherwise a beautiful day...and my boyfriend bought me a cinnamon roll.
~e