lillian m. blakey moon_window




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Sunlight on Earth

� Copyright 2006-2012
Tuesday, Sept. 11, 2012 - 10:12 pm

=*=


I have class tomorrow, and I really don't want to go. I'm becoming sorry that I decided to try to help others, especially because I have no support and here I am trying to create support for others...a pretty damn self-defeating task.

My "friend" P who now lives in NC has a new girlfriend, the situation is incredibly weird, and he continues to say hi then randomly disappear from our chat leaving me talking to myself. And leaving me feeling really bad about myself.

I'm not sure what to do.

I feel so close to slipping that I feel like letting it happen. I can always not leave the house again and paint and draw, write make jewelry, crochet, tat lace, make paper mache masks, collages, and do all sorts of things with my time that I used to enjoy. Instead I sit online hoping for someone to be a friend, even if it is only virtual. Even if it means arguing about their unbelievably uniformed political opinions.

I spent 9 total years of my life fully housebound, 5 total more struggling to overcome that so that I could go to college for 6 years to get an AA degree and certificate I didn't know I could get and in the end wonder if it was worth all the stress.

I guess I am back to square one now. And really, I shouldn't give a crap about my grade in my class because at bachelor level when you transfer or keep going here they erase your GPA and start over. I graduated with high honors, a B won't erase that. And if the schools here don't want me, I was extremely successful at being housebound. And I would make a great housewife if someone would ever marry me.

~e

=*= one day i'll fly away =*=

most recent entries:

waving white flags - Wednesday, Sept. 27, 2017

yeah so, stuff is happening... - Monday, Sept. 18, 2017

my mind is on the blink - Tuesday, Sept. 12, 2017

How stupid of me - Saturday, Sept. 09, 2017

finally breaking down - Monday, Sept. 04, 2017