After I post this I am going to sleep even though it is early.

I can find no reason to stay awake being that my boyfriend is in the other room, and when i get near him he finds a reason to criticize me. If I had a car or a real friend I would be going home.

Today was a day to do nothing wrong but have everyone on my case.

I unknowingly have been emailing someone in NC whose email was listed in my club members sign up sheet. She bitterly wrote to me today. She criticized me and threatened that if i don't stop harassing her (by sending her non-harassing club update emails)she will report me to the admins of my college.

It put some things intp perspective. My club means too much. My club and the fact that people obviously don't care as much as I do is killing me. I truly believe we could make things better, but it is not going to happen if people keep an attitude that I am harassing them. I know she was not a real club member, but with the few responses I receive I have to wonder.

I haven't told my boyfriend this because without knowing at all he has been doing the same thing. Treating me in the way and snapping at me since yesterday.

I keep getting these future flashes of us and in my mind. Us living together and wondering when the last time I will be able to handle his short temper. I get a vision of me telling him I need to go lay down because I don't feel good. Going in te other room, locking the door, taking enough meds to knock me out, and as I am nodding off, slipping noose around my neck and letting myself fall asleep.

That would be that. No more enduring harsh criticisms.

He was so supportive on Wednesday when i did the radio show about my club. Now it is as if we don;t even know each other.

~e