I need a week off to catch up on paperwork that is needed to help people.. MY list of to-do's in unreal. I do not lie that it is 3 pages long and still incomplete.

I have managed to survived my first week of re-enlisting in socializing. People were happy to see me at school. I also met some new people who have heard of me, and they were so pleased to meet me. It felt a bit embarrassing how excited they were to meet me. But very sweet too.

My boyfriend calmed down this weekend. Maybe he had PMS?? Idk, he just is not okay sometimes.

I will be shadowing a legislator as my second huge leap of the year. First leap was being on the radio, live, and actually remembering to speak for much of it.

Part of me would rather hide and be the successful agoraphobic I have been for so much of my life, but the motivation to help fellow students is a good drive to overcome fears. The happiness my club members expressed to me when I asked if they felt greater supported by being in my club, they were so enthusiastic. my heart calmed, the stress and lack of free time I currently have made it worth it.

By tomorrow I have to have posters edited, flyers edited, sign up sheets, info about disability, resources, and a basic idea of what will be at the club table on Tuesday. All printed by Tuesday.

I also have to email people back, create a list of jobs that will need to be done, as accurately as possible, and a list of affiliates. Edit the club site, the public site, the fb page, and the remind two members of what they promised to bring to meetings.

I know I am forgetting things. How can I not?

Every time I am in my room, I think, somewhere in my mind, that i could have really taken a year off, done nothing, done what I wanted alone. I could be painting, drawing, making creative messes. And then i realize that this is what I wanted to do, and that I am slowly going through stuff in my house to get rid of, slowly doing things I said (except finishing my novel and except editing my short stories) and so I feel a little bit accomplished. My room is awesome now that it is rearranged. So, I am not getting "time off", but I am getting to choose what I want to do almost every day.

I am even accepted now as an honorary @meriCorp student, because they are so supportive of me and what I am trying to have a hand in creating, solely because I know that I needed this, and that I am in a position, with the ability to help create something good for fellow disabled people. Because even though this world often sucks, the fact that i was in the house for 14 years is not something I am as ashamed of anymore. Everything in my life led to me be here, that is not a coincidence. I am not a puppet, but I have a great set of ancestors who are guiding me, and helping me. Just as they fought for equality in their generations, I can do my part in mine.

I will be a bachelor degree student in the Fall, as I was fully accepted to attend college. I learned this week that only 10% of the 54 million disabled people will get the opportunity in their lifetime that I have been given, and now am about to receive...working towards a bachelor degree, when I never first intended to get an AA degree or certificate. I did a lot for only having intended to get out of the house! For that I feel grateful. And it makes me proud of my club members too, they are doing the same. Anyone who does all that they are capable of, even if only one class at a time, is awesome in my book. And even though I've done so much, I have to live with the fact that any day, me getting the mail or going into a crowded place, is a huge accomplishment.

I am tired and probably rambling. But it's all true.

One of the songs that got me through my childhood:

~e