I feel deflated now.

I support illegals being able to get a drivers license, because it means they have to prove they can drive in this state. Which reduces my likelihood of them not knowing what a stop sign looks like and running me over.

I support minors not having to tell a parent if they get an abortion, because too often the parents will abuse or have abused that minor (why else would they not go their parent?)

I support gay marriage

I support continuation of entitlement programs, because I myself an dependent on so many because of my disabilities. I would literally be in a ditch and not about to enroll in college working towards a bachelor's degree without them.

The woman I am shadowing does not support any of that, obviously, because she is a Republican, and they are obligated to support 'stupid'.

I am not too happy. but I will get to wear my awesome shoes in public. In literal public.

I need to get a small dark purse and some normal color for stockings, because I doubt my stripe and star and skull ones will go over very well with prim and proper sociopathic style attire. It sort of destroys the deceptive effect. Sows off some genuine individuality, which is not what we want in politics.

I need this week to be over. I have so much stuff I need to do.

like paint my toe nails, buy a lamp, get out of the house.

some club members confided in me that they'd talked about whether i have any fun...I didn't reply. the answer is a blaring no. My boyfriend lied to me about what he is like when he's got a job and no homework. he's grumpy, tired, doesn't clean, complains every weekend about obligations, and laundry, and he spends 16 hours a week at t@i chi. The last time we did something fun has been a while. It makes me feel sad, but more so that my friends don't consider me as a person to include.

My mother isn't as sick as she's been all week, and she is bitter and angry and mad that I don't want to listen to her say the same things all day. Anytime I try she comes back at me with hate and rejection and she can't see why I don't want to be here and don't talk to her.

I am stuck no matter what I do. I'm trying to stay positive and keep our eye on the sky but it's like being in quick sand and trying to be happy knowing you've got a great view as you're dying a painfully slow death.

"Through portico of my elegant house you stalk
With your wild furies, disturbing garlands of fruit
And the fabulous lutes and peacocks, rending the net
Of all decorum which holds the whirlwind back.
Now, rich order of walls is fallen; rooks croak
Above the appalling ruin; in bleak light
Of your stormy eye, magic takes flight
Like a daunted witch, quitting castle when real days break.

Fractured pillars frame prospects of rock;
While you stand heroic in coat and tie, I sit
Composed in Grecian tunic and psyche-knot,
Rooted to your black look, the play turned tragic:
Which such blight wrought on our bankrupt estate,
What ceremony of words can patch the havoc?"

~ Sylvia Plath

poems and stories fill voids, still, after all of these years.

~e