The past week has been unbearable in so many ways. But I have maintained an impressive level of dissociation, mainly emotionally, that has really helped. I guess I learned some somewhat useful coping skills in all the craziness while growing up. Still, I'm sitting here panicking a little bit and there is an odd pain to the left of my bellybutton that has been there for 3 days now.
My boyfriend's grandma was in the hospital from Thursday until late Monday. I am happy she is out, but I am reluctantly hopeful that she won't end up going back there. I can't believe she waited 5 days to go there to be honest. She was sick starting last Saturday when she was throwing up for 9 hours straight because she ate about a half cup of posole, and following that she got sick within minutes of eating anything�one lousy peach slice made her throw up for a few hours after. So she went to her doctor on Monday and he told her she was fine, it was "probably just the antibiotics" (which she was no longer on because she was finished with the course) and to come back in a year. He ignored her repeated tries to see him after that. So she waited and waited and got sicker and weaker and finally decided she needed to go back to emergency for the 5th time in less than two months for this same infection that everyone has been ignoring or under treating. She is highly contagious too so this all pisses me off. I could catch this from her and it requires very strong antibiotics to get rid of it. I am allergic to many antibiotics, so that scares me.
My friend S went off the deep end about two weeks ago or so. She is so whacked out and crazy that I cannot talk to her. I'm not sure what to think if her near constant lying and exaggerating now, which I have caught her doing with a few different things now. She even contradicts herself within a half hour. She told me that her sisters stole her cellphone, but her caretakers who have no reason to lie to me told me she keeps hiding things and saying they stole them. This happened with her phone. When they found it she took a rock to it. There are numerous other lies I've got a list of.
When I last saw her she was walking around her house with only a tank top on, no panties or anything. Her caretakers and myself were trying to not look at her. Her caretaker spoke to me about the things she has been doing and asking if I'd ever seen her this bad. Her caretaker eventually broke down crying not knowing what to do for S. S has her caretakers working 12 to 14 hour days, and is apparently screaming and blaming them for missing things she is hiding, and not feeding her dogs claiming food makes them sick, and is at a point where I am about to threaten to cut her off until she corrects her behavior or seeks the help she obviously needs.
She called me Saturday night at 3:37 am and left a message that a new caretaker (she keeps firing them) stole her meds, just like all of the other ones. I am left not believing her. I think instead she hid her meds and is using it as an excuse to try to get more drugs from her doctor, because her drug addiction of the past is not gone. Everyone is constantly "abusing" her. People are either utter saviors or evil traitors.
She has extensive characteristics of Histrionic personality disorder, bipolar disorder, hypochondria, Munchausen syndrome, narcissism, and sociopathy that I have so far identified with my fairly good knowledge of the DSM. It is more than I can handle.
She bought me a really pretty orchid. I will likely kill it, as I have with every orchid I've ever had. Granted I was about 10 when I got my first orchid, and it had no caretaking directions so I killed it. I had another that I remember was planted in sphagnum moss and it rotted out. This one is drying out faster, so there's little chance of that. Still, I feel annoying levels of desire to not kill this thing because of how pretty it is. My mom thought it was fake when she saw it. I don't want to kill it.
I'm having a hard time with the amount of gifts she is giving me, there were more things but I left them at her house. I don�t feel like having my friendships be bought or sold. I don't do that sort of thing. I actually really hate non holiday gifts. The story is that as I was growing up no one I got super close with ever stayed in my life longer than a year, and very few ever got me gifts. But when they left, before they left, they gave me a going away present. It was consistent; every one of them did this. So I got gifts when very dear people left my life. A gift to me still has that sadness attached to it. So I hate that she is doing this to me, even if it is without knowledge.
Me and my bf helped her caretaker pack to move because she wasn't given any time off the last month despite asking for it. I got mad at S over this and I will tell her again that she is not a vegetable and can and should do things for herself.
My boyfriend has been pissed at S. He noticed her lying as well, and it really makes it hard to believe anything she says at all. He wants to visit her almost entirely to remind to stop crying wolf, because how will he know when she really does need help if she keeps faking it?
My boyfriend has decided to try for another job. His hours at his current job will decrease to 30 per week but with an increased wages of $18 an hour. So he said he wants to try new things, a new agency. The one he is applying for doesn�t make me feel good though. It pays over $50,000 a year, which would be great. But the job description says he must be willing and able to travel for extended periods of time and to work weekends. It sounded like I would never see him again if he got hired.
Other than this is has finally cooled off to the mid 80's. It got to 97 degrees on Thursday, but a huge rainstorm cooled it off nicely.
I painted dragonflies on my nails and I wanted to make paper dragonflies for my room today, but I could not the vellum paper I want to use for the wings. So I ordered some. It will be here Thursday. I also ordered matte vinyl so I can make my own polaroid imitations for my wall.
In other sad news my yahoo email got hacked somehow. It is odd because I do not click links if they look like spam. I do not read spam. I have no idea how it was hacked. But it was, and it spammed a bunch of people I strongly dislike. I had to change my password and other security things and it doesn't seem that they�ve gotten access yet. I also changed some of my other accounts. Hopefully they won't hack it again. I will be retiring that email soon.
I've also decided that I can afford to take out one loan. When I transfer I will get around $1300 a semester for supplies and expenses with grants and scholarships, which isn't a lot, but is enough to spare the $250 a semester I would need to pay it all off before I graduate. For now I will accept the loan for the overpriced overcrowded school I am enrolled on for Fall. I will not spend it unless I absolutely need to.
Okay, I will be trying to fall asleep in a beautiful, cool breeze. I haven't slept well for days. I'm processing too much.
~e
