It smells smokey everywhere. One of our wildfires here grew by 20 square miles today. I felt ill with really bad cramps all day, but my bf was extra sweet to me this time, at least. Lastnight he rubbed my back, and held me close, as if he couldn't sleep without me fully in his arms and cuddled together down our entire bodies. It was so comforting. I wish he was like that more often. He is like this about half the time. I usually have to remind him to be this way, or initiate it. But this time he did it all on his own.

My ceiling is almost done. My bf is even trying to blend the spackle so it matches the rest of the ceiling a bit better. It was interesting to get the drywall up. It is a huge 4 foot by 6 foot sheet of drywall cut with a 35 degree angle on one corner. Basically there was no room for screwing up and that drywall was heavy. I know, after it took us an hour to shove into position with only an 1/8 of an inch of wiggle room, I had to hold it in place so he could screw it into the ceiling beams. I had to use my head because my arms were giving out. But it is up now, the huge hole in my ceiling is no more, the mold is no more, and by next week it will be painted, the cabinet will be up again, and all of our dishes all over the couch, the floor, the bookcases can go into the cabinet again. That will feel good!

I don't know i it will stop the landlady from raising my rent, but I hope so...otherwise I may still have to move depending on the newest section 8 rules.

My mom is complaining because the paint I got is white instead of off-white...this whole house has horrible flat white paint, and now has smudges everywhere. I'm just happy to have semi-gloss paint.

I'm getting scared about school starting in about 45 days. I am scared to care too much about homework. I already know 90% of abnormal psychology, and about 60% of Developmental Psychology, so I'm not too worried. But still...so far nothing has changed about the college I'm currently registered at, and I have to keep re-contacting everyone in order to get anything done. I can't wait till Spring to be at the other college. I have my eyes on 3 classes I want to take in the Spring:

Report Writing � how to professionally write reports and info
Public Policy Process - how public policy is created and implemented
Social and Cultural Change � all about social movements that have changed the world

Those have me excited, even though I will feel really emotionally done-in really fast since they are all online.

I have discovered that the daddy long legs we are cultivating as semi-pets are doing wonderfully at eating things. I am grateful. We have a huge one behind an old sewing machine cabinet. She has been there for at least two summers now, and she eats a lot. I should name her.

I've been thinking of having children. Like if my life was more stable, then I would want kids. So would my bf...but we aren't stable, and this world is effed up...I have really beautiful names for boys and girls already chosen. I've been collecting photos of how my children would be, what they would wear, how their rooms would look. It is oddly comforting. Maybe in another dimension, alternate me is a mom of two loved and happy children, in a beautiful house, and our fairy garden is thriving.

I guess I should sleep, it is after midnight.

~e