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Saturday, Aug. 17, 2013 - 8:56 pm
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I am sitting in the dark livingroom of my boyfriend's grandma's house staring out at the garage door wishing i had the strength to go out there, turn on her car, and be done with this existence by midnight. Im not that strong, i let my fears stall me even leaving the front door. So i am sitting in the dark, alone, wishing i didnt exist and feeling like i shouldn't exist. My boyfriend is slowly destroying my self worth. If something isn't perfect, i regret it whether i am at fault or not. My stomach hurts from stress. I regret speaking up, he wants me to stay silent and deal with it. I can't. His aggression makes me feel ill. The way he shuts me out if i voice that i need him to keep his promise about dealing constructively with his anger...it hurts.But if i break up with him, i dont have any friends. Im already so alone, and i dont know why. So many people claim they like me, but obviously they dont. So im here, crying, in the overstuffed chair i will spend the night in, because if i ask to go home he will blow up at me, break and throw things, and make me regret waking up in the morning.
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