lillian m. blakey moon_window




DIARY
Newest Entry
Archives
Profile
Cast
About Me
Agoraphobia
Disclaimer
Diaryland

LOCKED DIARIES
Valeofenna
Againsthesky
Echos-Cry
echo-beyond

CONTACT
Notes

LINKS
eXTReMe Tracker


Sunlight on Earth

� Copyright 2006-2012
Saturday, Aug. 17, 2013 - 8:56 pm

=*=


I am sitting in the dark livingroom of my boyfriend's grandma's house staring out at the garage door wishing i had the strength to go out there, turn on her car, and be done with this existence by midnight. Im not that strong, i let my fears stall me even leaving the front door. So i am sitting in the dark, alone, wishing i didnt exist and feeling like i shouldn't exist. My boyfriend is slowly destroying my self worth. If something isn't perfect, i regret it whether i am at fault or not. My stomach hurts from stress. I regret speaking up, he wants me to stay silent and deal with it. I can't. His aggression makes me feel ill. The way he shuts me out if i voice that i need him to keep his promise about dealing constructively with his anger...it hurts.

But if i break up with him, i dont have any friends. Im already so alone, and i dont know why. So many people claim they like me, but obviously they dont.

So im here, crying, in the overstuffed chair i will spend the night in, because if i ask to go home he will blow up at me, break and throw things, and make me regret waking up in the morning.

=*= one day i'll fly away =*=

most recent entries:

waving white flags - Wednesday, Sept. 27, 2017

yeah so, stuff is happening... - Monday, Sept. 18, 2017

my mind is on the blink - Tuesday, Sept. 12, 2017

How stupid of me - Saturday, Sept. 09, 2017

finally breaking down - Monday, Sept. 04, 2017