I am truly hating college. My dev psych instructor gave us the most pathetic and undefined assignment with very specific requirements in under 500 words, far too small to make a real essay of it. You must validate each argument you make from the textbook, you must have a thesis, a supportive body that argues at least two sides, and a conclusion that reiterates the side you chose. You must use proper terminology, and it must reference a statement he chose that is subject to interpretation, but is very specific - and is about when life is viable. But the problem is the textbook has very little info about viability. I have been working on this for over a week and I feel done. I feel like turning in a paper telling him off and what is wrong with these pointless assignments that have no useful directions, just a whole 2 pages of requirements for a 500 word �essay� as he is calling it.

I just want to cry.

My house is leaking and it has rained almost every day for a couple of weeks now. The walls downstairs are stained yellow from the water running down the wall.

And I got my mom at least $75 of stuff for her birthday and we were supposed to make a day of it and she had agreed last week to go do something this weekend while it is still warm, but she told me after the fact that she really doesn't care. She doesn't want to do anything. She doesn't care if I get her anything. And her birthday means nothing to her. So I feel like an idiot for trying, yet again. She hates that I'm in college because I can't devote my entire day to listening to her complain about everyone and everything. I am bad no matter how much I try. The second I tell her that I have homework she stars screaming at me. No matter how much I beg her to stop complaining first thing every single morning and that it disrupts my ability to focus and write the very complex papers that my professor wants, she says I don't care about her and turns the whole day into an argument.

If I wasn't so severely agoraphobic I could go somewhere and do homework, but I can't. I am stuck in my house. I am stuck feeling like I ought to be prostituting myself or something with the way she acts over my needing to do homework.

I am not expecting to get through school like this. I will try, but I have been late on almost every assignment because of my mom and it isn't helping my stress levels. I told her that if she continues this I will have to drop out, and if that happens that I likely will not go back. I told her that I have exactly enough and I cannot fail a class just because she wants me to listen to her and solve her problems. It's not okay that I'm the only one she talks to, and tha t literally not a single other person alive is good enough for her.

I really don't know what to do.

And to make everything worse my bf's gma is smoking like a chimney but is crazy about the electric bill going up $17. He just replied to her that he just pays them, and doesn't pay much attention to such things, but she told him to watch it. So I again don't feel like I can be here. He has kept his temper down well enough, but I don't feel welcome with his gma being crazy too. In fact he has lived here 3 years and I still don't have a key to be here if he isn't here. That says more to me about my not being welcome that her complaining about the bills when i'm here.

Why do I exist? So people can mess everything up and interfere with or actively destroy the few things I have been able to do in this life, it would seem.

~e