This week has been a bit rough. Feeling like a failure at times due to the amount of stress...physically painful levels of stress, and too much hair pulling. It is really hard to have self-esteem when you do weird things like that to cope. It's not even conscious at this point I've done it so long. And I am behind a week in readings. Struggling to study for a test this weekend to remember each diagnoses/ �label� according to each model and hoping to god one day they do away this with this stupid one-sided views of human beings.
I have compiled 11 articles to use to write my research essay on Humanistic Psychotherapy.
This week's topics are: eating disorders, depression, suicide, and substance abuse, and in the other class are at early adolescence and the topic of effects of bullying...it is very triggering.
I am in a class with people who do not know or associate with the �mentally ill�
Each comment I read of theirs makes me wonder about my own labels and behaviors. If they would speak to me if they knew.
The leaves have fallen from most of the trees and it is hazy and threatening to snow
Some things that make me feel vulnerable:
That my boyfriend's lips now touch his e-cig more than they touch my lips.
That I am not guaranteed to see the ocean again...because no one is guaranteed tomorrow.
That the pain in my stomach is something besides just pain
That I will fail, that in some way I have already failed just because I am struggling so much.
That college will drive me to complete baldness
That I will die completely alone in the world
That I will never know who my mother's family is, and who half of myself is
That I have changed someone's life
That I have the ability to create life
That I may never know what it is like to be part of a real family
That the universe is only a drop compared to how vast our minds are, if we really let them go
That being confined to a body, means one day letting go of it
That one day I will feel that final breath of air exhaling from my lungs
That I may one day forget those who mean and meant the world to me
That this empty place in the pit of my being is an unfillable abyss whose presence I will always feel