Yet again I should be asleep by now. I haven't slept more than a couple of hours each night for the last 5 days. Since I went to the old college and bumped into so many people we knew, my mind is racing again. Of things I could or should have said. Of people I saw but couldn't speak to because they were way down the hall and headed the opposite way and they clearly didn't see me. Then it drifted to needing to find the keys to my lock so I can get a locker Which is why I have been cleaning my room and house the past two days since my cold went away.

Haven't found the keys, but I did get rid of a large bag worth of trash and things that aren't useful. And I found my pencils I'd been looking for last year. I will now be set for the next 75 years for pencils. My room feels nicer clean, thoughI was ho;ing it would help me sleep better and has not yet done so.

I have begun reading The Neverending Story. I should be reading that now instead of typing this. I like it so far. There are slight differences than the film, and of course much more description, which film is not capable of expressing. IT's such a sad story, but in my childhood that film had such a profound effect on me. I related to it. That is how I read books, as if the characters were real. So it all validated my inherent imagination.

Tomorrow is going to be strange. My bf's ex-wife is apparently holding a Christmas gift over his head. He hasn't exactly done anything to remedy it, but he said he's told her to come by his house after work many times but she hasn't. She just kept calling and telling him she's very isolated (by her own doing, btw), and he said he got to the point of almost snapping at her. She is the one who divorced him, and he doesn't forgive easily. But her loneliness is her own doing, and he isn't so impressed by her whining at him over it. But now, she has swindled him to having dinner with her, to �catch up�. Of course I will be there. In fact he kind of begged me to be there, even though I've told him many times my issues with her. I cannot see her without hating her, even momentarily, for making my bf despise even the idea of marriage. It took 3 years to me he loves me. And after 5 years together he has just gotten to the point where he will occasionally talk about something 'when we get married'. For example, he'll mention a type of suit he would like to be married in. Or see boots and say those would be cool for our wedding. But it comes and goes so fast, and if I try to expand on the conversation, he'll change topics. I've made him promised we'll get married outside.

So anyway, we are having dinner with her Friday night �to catch up� and apparently give him his god damn christmas present.

I don't know what else to say. I had a lot to say, but it's 2 am and I should sleep.

~e