I need to be getting ready, but i wanted to write an entry because I need to vent to release anxiety.

My in-person fitness course is going to hurt. It will be two times a week, each an hour of activity including weight lifting, bending, stretching, running in place, jumping, reaching, pulling, etc. And my 60 year old instructor made us twerk...dear god.

A half hour yesterday, and i still hurt today.

I know one person in my class, which helped a lot actually. It was odd twerking in front of him though; i mean seriously odd.

Afterwards I hung out in my old student office that moved, and it felt strange to be there. The people have changed, I probably have too. But it was only ONE semester! I wasn't the only one who gained weight. And I have no idea who most people in the office were, which is strange to me. Just last April I knew everyone, it seemed.

My online courses aren't exactly going well yet. K@bbalah is fine, I wish we could go ahead a week or two. I did everything that can be done. I need distraction from the side-effects of sociology...because, despite my asking the PhD professor quite plainly about my needing disabled accessible and readable handouts...

My Soc class is...not accessible. So I cannot read any of his handout files. I got mad at him because he is a PhD in Sociology and should know about differences and people and awareness of being an ignorant uneducated ass, but maybe he was a C student? His scans are unreadable to anyone, they are THAT low quality. Newspapers from 1802 printed on a printing press are more legible. PhD does not mean you know how to scan things, apparently.

I got some of the files from disability resources, but others will take weeks to convert because they are being thrown into the pile of other ignorant ass instructor handouts. My fellow disabled students and myself will have to wait weeks to complete assignments and discussions...and I am supposed to feel grateful?

I am trying really hard to be happy. It's proving difficult.

My boyfriend has been talking about social climbing lately, which I kind of feel annoyed by...meeting with people because the connections they bring to you. ugh...we were never like this before. So I am meeting this lady he knows from some 3merg3nt group of Xtians he didn't really like or dislike, but who he refused to meet with because they talked too much about God and too little about social change. Tonight I am meeting one of them, who was tagged in her twitter feed with a link to a page that says "Evangelicals can be LGBT supporters!" It is akin to saying ignoramuses can support sinners!

Dear god, why did I agree to this?

~e