Apparently at some point my mom put double-strength diluted Ajax dish soap into a bottle marked "Garden - water only!" and when my cat was misbehaving, I squirted him, he moved and got it right in the face. After he came back I noticed his eye really tearing and thought, I hope I didn't spray water in his eye...well I didn't, I sprayed god dam Ajax dish soap labeled as water in his god damn eye.

He ran and hid and I fought him for over 5 minutes to rinse his eyes out. One eye is bloodshot now. I am so fucking pissed at my mom and why she would do that! Why would you ever put anything but water in a bottle marked "water only"?

When I thought about I remember that I used that bottle to water my seedlings...and none of them grew. I now know why. I thought the seeds were old. She killed them by not labeling the bottle.

My boyfriend thinks my mother is actively sabotaging me...I don't know what to think. I just know that since I met my boyfriend my mom has gotten progressively worse in actively stressing me out and distracting me while I'm trying to do homework and making my life really unbearably stressful with her paranoia.

And I'm stuck being a stupid agoraphobic who has no options and no one to go to and no way to even get away from my mom and go somewhere. I feel so horribly stuck. I can't even focus enough to retain a paragraph, and I have to somehow read a 200 pg book and write an essay on it in 9 days.

~e