Today was depressing...really badly depressing. Literally every single plan from A to D didn't happen. A fell through because the person it was dependent on cancelled the meeting, so B was decided on, B pretty quickly ceased being possible, so C was our solution...C took too long, so D was the answer, which couldn't happen because by then it was too late...

So I stayed home, nursing a nauseated tummy. Crying my eyes out much of the day over having finally found the name of the man who was like a grandpa to me as a child, and who I still call that all these years later...but only because he died two and a half years ago...so i will never get to say thank you for all he did for me, or tell him how much he still means to me. I feel devastated...honest to god, devastating levels of heartache over this fact.

So I was an emotional roller coaster today, and went through a lot of tissues.

Anyway, i have plans for tomorrow. Here's hoping they really happen.

A Papa story:
When I lost my front tooth when I was 7 and refused to smile anymore because I hated how I looked, Papa made me promise to never ever lose my beautiful smile no matter what happens in life...

He really loved making me laugh.

In knowing this though, I can smile because in finding his obituary and his name, I can say he was really real, and he was a genuinely beautiful and kind man to everyone. He will always keep and watch over a huge part of my heart, as he has all these years.

Not everyone is lucky enough to have had him in their lives...and as little as I still have in life, no one can ever take away the fact that I will always have had a "Papa".

ugh...here I go crying again.

~e