When I was taking my abnormal psychology class, I often wondered what it would be like to be a laxative junkie...in all honesty being half way through my gallon of industrial strength laxatives, and not even being able to exactly follow directions due to feeling about to throw up when I try to swallow 2 liters 1 cup at a time, it feels much like my �usual� digestion process has been for the last three years since my �ulcer� decided to go wherever it went and my ability to digest went to hell. I can't imagine willingly getting diarrhea when I dread eating because of getting it...and do all I can to eat stuff that will constipate the hell out of me.

I am at a point where feeling ill all the time is making this shitting all night thing worth it tonight...somehow. But only if they rule out cancer, and only if they also find what it is that is making me not be able to eat. Otherwise I will just feel stupid and annoyed.

I somehow thought that I would be able to study during this time, and somehow get everything done by the deadlines, which have come and gone. Luckily I had the sense to worry that I may be my usual self and stress out and not be able to focus as I go through all of this. So my extensions that were granted have proven helpful. I apparently will not be able to do a darn thing till Tuesday at the earliest, and when I will be able to eat again after getting a biopsy on my colon and my stomach is anyone's guess. Some heartier than me went to McDonald's right after such a thing...knowing me I may barely make it to Thanksgiving being able to eat...and that reminds me...

Did I write about what I will be doing this year? It is ridiculous, and in case I didn't, here goes...

Some of my boyfriend's relatives will be flying in this week. My boyfriend has no idea when because his grandma is nuts and never lets him know details. She always claims she has no idea her own self...

Anyway, to put it bluntly, his uncle, who is not exactly in the poor house, but thinks he is, will be paying for about 12 people to have $65 per plate dinner at some exclusive resort. The tab will come to about $950+ for Thanksgiving dinner...

These people twist my reality in really painful ways. I think of what I could do with $950+. I think of how many that could really feed. I think of how gluttonous it is an sinful it is for these born and raised Catholics...and when I asked about gluten-free my boyfriend said �well, they're a genuine rich-people place, so of course they have gluten-free.�

On the other hand since I will not be going to Cali for Xmas, we will be here, and my boyfriend's gma really likes forcing her gambling addiction into our meals...the thing is I can no longer eat there as nothing NOTHING is gluten-free and quite honestly I got super sick both times I ate there. My boyfriend wants to take us to Chinese for Peking Duck. I will go with that, even though I've never been interested in eating duck ever since seeing those black duck eggs at international markets...

I'm not getting sleep tonight. But my cat is crashed out by my oil heater that I have on entirely due to the fact that my not eating and, well, frequent expelling of fluids, is causing me to feel ice cold. He is enjoying that fact immensely.

I am definitely not.

Ok, I reserve the right to hate tomorrow with my entire guts.

~e