I have a little girl kitty beckoning me to cuddle to sleep...but first a brief typing session with my diary and best friend.

After having discovered that my favorite maxi pads were yet again discontinued by the very company who now changed them to something very not-flexible and very uncomfortable, and which deteriorate after just a few hours, I did it...I ordered some menstrual cups. I've wanted to do this for a while, mainly because I don't like pads at all and cramp horrifically with tampons. So I hope I don't cramp too badly, or leak. But we'll see. I'm sure I will like it once I get used to it. Silicone doesn't bother me at all.

I want to complain about my impending cycle, as I already feel ill days early, but having a dear friend a few years younger than me who was forced to have a hysterectomy last week, I can't really complain much over disabling cramps and bloating and swelling and the fact that I become a true and painful 34-DD for a whole week.

My boyfriend is depressed, and really I don't blame him. His family members are all being really stupid and immature. I no longer feel bad about not going to Cali this Christmas, in fact my boyfriend said his family may regret that he is planning to go at all. He is intending to let them all have it in person.

Our relationship has been better lately. He was really there for me when I was not at all well, and being really helpful and caring and supportive of me, helping me find things I could eat, and holding me in his arms all night. Things have been really hard in the last month.

His grandma here is clearly consciously preparing to die, and it's not pretty. She has stopped painting her nails, stopped getting her hair done, stopped caring about doing dishes, helping in any way. She sits in her chair at all hours if the days and says over and over that nothing matters anyway...it's honestly really aggravating. She is a really spunky lady who is consciously giving up on life. She has three things she cares about: e-cigs, word searches, and gambling of all kinds, including game shows. Otherwise, not much makes sense in her expression of reality anymore.

And I need to get homework done this weekend like mad, and I have no idea how that will actually happen. I am very overwhelmed. And my boss seems to be upping his expectations of me, and it's getting annoying because he is now asking me to do things I did not agree to and really have no idea how to do.

I feel like I need to quit, really.

But for now I need to sleep...all the thinking I've done today has made my head hurt.

~e