If you're a guy, you may want to not read this entry...I'm on my period, and kind of in awe of it, under this incredible almost full moon.

Anyway, my boyfriend made it home safe, flying across two states (1000 miles) in under an hour and a half, which I think is super trippy...on Friday he sent me pics from Malibu and said he was there missing me and thinking of me...I am most sad that I have no idea when I will be there again. It's my favorite place in the whole world so far, second only to my great great grandparent's graves. I feel so beautiful and peaceful when I'm in Malibu.

Anyway, he didn't miss much but a bad week. It got SUPER freezing cold all week (felt like -10F), and I had disabling cramps, so it's good that he went when he did.

I sewed myself some very spontaneously made reusable cloth m3nstrual pads in neat flannel and batiks with cotton wicking fabric in the center, but this cup is far more comfortable. I'm still curious about making cloth pads, though, and am learning how my sewing machine works in the process. It has like 800 stitches or something, and I'm in love with it. Awesome machine. I want to make myself some pretty bags too this week. I have fabrics I bought years ago to do so and never did...i want to enjoy these last two weeks before my semester insanity starts.

My f3mmycycle cup is trippy because I can't feel it at all. I am also learning ridiculous things about my body that I had no idea...like I am not just a tiny person (being 30 lbs overweight and wearing a size 7 still), but this week I discovered that my darn cervix drops to at most 1.75" down when I'm on my period...that's ridiculously low, and weeds out 75% of the m3nstrual cups out there. :- At least I know now. 1.75" or smaller. Having a body is really weird.

Part of me really hopes to get pregnant now, like every cycle I hope it doesn't start...and then I'm relieved when it does. Two odd opposing feelings. I would be okay with it if I ever do get pregnant, and my boyfriend said that if I did, he thinks he'd be okay being a father too, and that wasn't always the case. Having said this, we are not and will not try to, but if it happens, we are okay with it. And that feels good, no fights will occur if it happens, at least between us.

Anyway, my cramps have rendered Advil pointless (I have to take 4 now) and Aleve necessary to function. I can only blame the 1/2" fibroid, but it seems like more is going on, and it's super unpleasant head to toe pain, with a stabbing feeling right under my belly button. gnarly levels of pain.

Anyway, I'm happy my boyfriend is home safe. I can't wait to see him tomorrow! Since October he has been really actively being a better boyfriend, and even finally quit vaping e-c!gs. He's been actively making time for me since doing so. I'm definitely not saying he's perfect, and we had a few arguments, and he was an ass one day because of my doctor ordered wheat free diet, and played a guilt-trip on me about eating out that was not nice. But overall, he's been a lot nicer to me and appreciative of me, and openly missing me a lot more. 6 years together...it's more than i ever thought was possible.

So I'm excited to see him tomorrow and get to spend time with him. I definitely felt every mile of that distance, and he said it felt weird and not right to not have me there with him. His family was still squabbling at each other, even when he was there, which is why I didn't go and why he didn't stay very long. They all seemed to think it was weird to not have us with them this holiday season, so maybe they will appreciate us being there next year...because they sure as hell didn't appreciate us there last year.

If I go this year, it will be to spend time with the sea...

I hear a cat snoring really loudly...

~e