I can't sleep. I-ve been in pain all week. I finally got in ti see a gynecologist adter trying for literall years...it only took filing complaints on them for them to call me back. She ran some tests even though i look okay. And im scheduled to have surgery in June...she suspects i have endometriosis but cant explain why im in pain all the time, because that usually only occurs during your period...

With my dad dying, tonught i just feel guilty that i am not strong enough to see him ti say goodbye. He has never been in my life and other than writing letters when i was a teen, which he mainly wrote back from prison, and calling when he was out if peison, andgenerally breaking my heart and abusing my sisters, otger than that i have no memories of him. I last saw him when i was 2.

Pelvic pain for no reason and guilt...and i cried a lot on my boyfriend tonight. No homework done...but we went for a walk by tge river. he has been nicer to me lately.

~e