depression has sunk in. I have never felt like this much of a failure in my education. I am literally a failure. Yes I was in some horrific pain and took some horrific antibiotics, and yes knowing my dad is dying has hit me HARD at times, and left me a puddle of sadness for what i will never have with him, and yes a lot of other shit went wrong that led to me falling behind.

But that doesn't mean I should need incompletes for grades right now. I always persevered before.

I have never been so close to actually not staying in college and sincerely needing to drop or getting F's.

I can't imagine how some people get through college with feeling as a constant presence. I am a straight A student, i am never afraid of failing, I am only ever afraid on not getting A's yet, I am here literally on the edge of possible actual failure.

It kills...

~e