I am questioning literally everything, and feeling very low these days. Questioning isn't bad, though it is leaving me feeling uneasy and sad. I am sad that I would have to separate myself from everyone in my life, all two people, just to get what i need to do done. I don't do isolation so well...

But WAY too much fucking drama, and stupidity...none of which I even had a hand in. Not my circus or my monkeys...or my leaking roof due to severe neglect on my boyfriend's grandma's part...

I am just very sad about things lately. I am up against a clock, it seems, time is ticking, I am trying my best, but I feel defeated more often than not.

So, I don't know what to do. I'm not sleeping or eating right, I am in so much pain very randomly, I am taking my meds, but they are impeding my ability to think. You know your life is fucked up when your wellness instructor has nothing to say as far as answers.

I am not at all convinced I can be a counselor, or that I wouldn't be happier doing social work, or that I should avoid both careers like the plague. But my options are reduced to counseling, as I cannot get an in-person social work degree and I refuse to get an MSW online.

I am just stuck, and dreading reality. I am doing kick-ass on my homework because of not caring...it's ridiculously easy. fucked up seriously though on one assignment and didn't answer 3 questions somehow. That or i submitted the draft...oh well. fuck it...

I feel ill, and need to tend to myself.

~e