lillian m. blakey moon_window




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Sunlight on Earth

� Copyright 2006-2012
Sunday, Oct. 11, 2015 - 10:30 pm

=*=


Lately I've seen a lot of really pretty women who happen to be larger than me, look at what's left of my honestly horrifically tiny body and feel bad about themselves...and I feel jealous that they can eat food...because lately I feel sick if I eat more than a handful at a time.

I weighed myself. I weigh 118 with PJ's on. Tiny. My size 5's are sliding down when I walk. It doesn't feel good. I feel foreign in my own body.

I got to watch my boyfriend enjoy gorging on a veggie burger and fries, and I really enjoyed my baked potato with toppings, but I really would have given anything to be able to eat what he had without feeling ill.

And my dad wants to talk with me on the phone...and I am terrified. I am not handling things well.

He was a total ass...and likely still is. Just because he is dying doesn't mean he isn't.

Today I went to dance class, and a classmate who has a depressive personality noticed I wasn't doing so well. She asked if i'm ok, and I told her i was tired, which was half true...and thanked her for caring. Human kindness and caring is a rare form of wealth these days...

I really struggled to move, and felt ill and weak. I am not sure why.

The antibiotics officially did nothing for my sinus infection, and I hope I can get bloodwork done to rule things out. I am likely deficient in Vitamin D again, and possibly other things like potassium.

I'll know next week.

this year just needs to be over already.

~e

=*= one day i'll fly away =*=

most recent entries:

waving white flags - Wednesday, Sept. 27, 2017

yeah so, stuff is happening... - Monday, Sept. 18, 2017

my mind is on the blink - Tuesday, Sept. 12, 2017

How stupid of me - Saturday, Sept. 09, 2017

finally breaking down - Monday, Sept. 04, 2017