I'm starting to hit rock bottom...and seriously considering antidepressants for the first time in my life. I've been given them before, but never really kept taking them. I'm not okay. I weigh 110 now...as skinny as i get, and my goddamn boobs are still D...just a little smaller D's cups. i've lost 35 lbs this year. My pants don't stay up without a belt. I can't even eat without feeling ill. My mom is making everything worse too.

I am just at a point of acknowledging that i am not okay, and even want to die because i am tired of fighting. I just had my goals ripped out from under me, i don't think it's abnormal to feel that way considering everything i am dealing with.

I don't know if i wrote of it yet, but my bf's grandma is pretty much trying to kick him out on the streets now, and expected him to be out of her house with a weeks' notice. His mom and aunt are here and intervened, but it is still up in the air. He is trying to buy a condo now since the house he wanted fell through, as far as we know. This deal may fall through as well, though i hope it doesn't. I have no idea what will happen either way.

His mom is intending to take his grandma back to Cali by next week, but who knows if that will really happen. She is a mess, and can't think anymore.

I only know that I will definitely be getting incomplete grades for all of my classes.

I need my reality to stop being the way it is...I need my goals to go back to what they were and my semester to be finishing now...but the ss@ assured that is not how it will be.

My stomach is a lump of stress. It hurts. I'm not okay.

~e