A week and a half after my dad's passing, me and my siblings are each having individualized breakdowns as we need, I have thus been unfriended, and semi-unfriended by two of the three on faceb00k. My homework and existence is brought to the world by candy, alcohol, and the need to transplant plants so they don't die too as I would likely sob uncontrollably if anything else died on me at this point.

Homework has not happened for like weeks, a month? who knows, a long time is all I know, but tonight I am quite drunk, not so bad I can't type, but enough to make the lights look brighter,the music blasting sound sweeter, and the emotions numbed out. I got a paper done and I don't even give a shit if it doesn't make sense, it's a stupid assignment. If my boyfriend was here though, I would not be doing homework, I would be doing him instead...or trying to, and probably being rejected. But he is 300 miles away for work, at the shittiest hotel, quite miserable, and lonely.

We are planning my moving-in, slowly, and it feels okay except that it's awkward since my mom is so convinced that he is just my friend, it's fucking weird really.

I may or may not be graduating, but i'm drinking my way to the finish line...I officially can't handle one more thing happening. I'm going to be spending about $400 to go to commencement too. It doesn't seem worth it except that its the only way to get my honors cords and tassle, which is the only thing I really want. And since i'll be the first in my family to graduate and summa cum laude to boot, i might as well walk, and do the overpriced photos thing...you know, someone may care enough to remember that i exist in 100 years.

life is so unnecessarily stressful. And either Prince's music was fucking awesome, or Riesling makes me seriously love him...

~e