It is finally summer, and it has been a hot week in the upper 90's. I need new friends, but have no desire to try, and I don't want to go home tonight but need to pack more things. Technically living in two places is kind of driving me crazy. I don't really own a lot, but i own just enough that it is an annoyance. I also have to kill off the moth infestation as i go and try to not bring it here.

I am slowly adjusting to my world being small again, and keep hearing in my head my dad's reply when I asked him at age 17 to not call me when he was high on meth (because he got abusive nad paranoid on that shit), he wrote to me and said "keep on being a petty bitch and see how lonely life can be"...I made an alter ego named Peti Bouche from that...she's a petty bitch. I guess it's time to take up petty bitch status...i prefer that to knowing racist in-laws, abusive drug addicts I'm related to, and gun-happy nutballs I'm friends with. I am also trying to not abuse myself with my dad's abuse, but it just runs automatically in my head when i feel as alone as I am...'you're a petty bitch ~e...' and goes from there that i somehow deserve this isolation and all that is happening to me.

I'm not autistic, but these days my personality is such that if i don't know you well, then i'm not going to be openly myself. I'm tired of just about everyone and all of the fighting and hatred and meanness in people I know.

~e